Finished Thinking of you

[jazz101]

Hi Guys,

This song is called "Thinking of you" feedback appreciated, thanks,

George

[Thekesslerboy]

There's a good song in there.  But the vocals sound like AI, and the performance sounds computer generated, rather than played. Too clean, neat and perfect.

The lyrics need more to be going on, more of a story.  I liked the idea at the end, the vine bit, but before that there was no story, no conflict, no build up to something.

The tune and chord structure, however, I really like.  I wish you'd play and sing it for real, that's where the emotion lies.

[jazz101]

Hi,

Thank you so much for your feedback. I played the song on the keyboard, there was absolutely no AI involved in the songs production, the guitar is genuine as are the vocals, but hey ho all feedback is very much welcomed,

George

[Thekesslerboy]

Sorry, those were just my initial thoughts on listening. Not intended to put down a fellow songwriter.

Who is Elijah Bleu?  I couldn't help but think of those youtube video reviews of AI songwriting software where you can pick from a range of AI singers to add to your song. Male, female, pitch, octave, black, white, rock, ballad etc etc. 

My view of the song stands.  It's a great song and melody.  I've written something like it previously but yours is better. Is yours D, Am, G, D?  Mine was A, Em, D, A!

But the lyrics need more work.  The first chorus/refrain comes in after one short verse, half of which is actually the title of the song.  Even if that first verse had a line undercutting the first one, adding some conflict, some contrast, that would be better.  Something like: 

"I woke up this morning, thinking of you
Didn't heed the warning, what you said you'd do."

It's not a perfect suggestion, I'm just thinking it through. Add some interest, something to make the listener think Oh, what's going on here? Draw them in.  Then hit them.
 
Instead of the repetetive "Round and round and round and round, thinking of you", what about "My world's turning upside down, thinking of you"?

I like the reaching out and she's not there bit.  A ribbon is a bit cliched, but the idea is good.  (Has she died, has she left?)  Suggestion: "I reached out to touch you, run my hand through your hair. Don't know what you're up to, It fell through empty air."  Again, not perfect, just trying to add to your She's gone, where is she? metaphor.  (Camouflage, by Stan Ridgeway springs to mind for some reason.)

Just my ideas, for you to take or leave, but if I didn't like the song I probably wouldn't even have any ideas.  Good luck.

[jazz101]

Hi,

Thanks again for your feedback, I appreciate your comments, but to be honest I have had a lot of positive comments for this song, that is not to say I will not bear your comments in mind for my next song, as we should be learning all the time, so it would be arrogant for me to think I was always right (I'm not) When I write a song, I use an arranger Keyboard, so I select the drums strings and whatever other instruments I think suit the music I am working on. I then select a singer I think would suit the song and as was the case with this one, a guitarist I liked to do the lead, I use Fiverr as there is a good selection of artists to choose from. Elijah Bleu real name Gabriel Smith sang the song. I used to sing and play guitar, but an injury to my wrist and a diagnosis of Abducter Dysphonia (affects the vocal chords) put an end to that. I do a backing track and then sing the song (as best I can) and send them the guide track, I then mix and master the track. you can hear my voice on the song Xmas scallywag on this forum, I wrote that song about 35 years ago. The chords for "thinking of you were done in DCGD CGD  AMCGD Once again thank you so much for your feedback I will take it on board.

George

[Mora Amaro La Loba]

Hola @jazz101

Good one! I like a lot the general sounding and Atmos, very catchy and cool in the ear!!!
Lovely lyrics!!!

[Vicki]

Nice mellow piece. I have trouble focusing on lyrics when I'm listening (that's why I like printed lyrics to follow) because I'm getting caught up in the instrumentation and the feel of it. So I can't comment on the lyrics. I do like the soft relaxed feel of this.

Vicki

[jazz101]

Thank you for your kind comments, really appreciate them,

George

[ChrisPrice]

Wow, this is cool..unusual too. I love the vocals here. The guitar is superb too...so melodic. No crits from me at all. I love this track.

[jazz101]

Hi Chris,

Thanks your comments are always welcome,

George

[Boydie]

@jazz101

This immediately put a smile on my face

I absolutely LOVE the overall vibe and feel of the track

My main piece of feedback would be that the song feels "rushed" - not necessarily the tempo, but (IMHO) there is too much coming too soon - e.g. I would extend the intro a bit and put in some "space" between phrases and sections

The guitar solo section (which was great by the way) is a great example of where some space really lifted the track

Linked to this - I would also add some more "light and shade" to the arrangement to make the distinction between the verses and choruses a bit more obvious - because I think you have a cracking chorus here - so I would suggest really making the most of it and shine a spotlight on it by taming some of the other sections (but don't change the guitar solo - that section is awesome )

Really really high quality song writing - great job

[jazz101]

HI Boydie,

Great feedback, unfortunately it's released now. I love this forum because your comments make me think of the next one and what I could do different, so it's not wasted feedback I can assure you, and on reflection you made some really good points there, so thank you, we are always learning,

George

[subvibe]

Hi

Nice pleasant song with a good flow

subvibe

[Skandha]

Very well sung, wonderful rhythm and arrangements, original composition. 👍

[jazz101]

Hi Skandha,

Thank you for the feedback,

George