Songwriter Forum

General Category => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Rightly on Feb 06, 2025, 05:48 PM

Title: What now, little man?
Post by: Rightly on Feb 06, 2025, 05:48 PM
This song is recent

It's about a man, not a friend, fictional or not,
transitioning from full-time employment to retirement.
Embittered, he faces a future of emotional struggle, gradual physical and mental decline, and turbulent financial insecurity.
 
I'd appreciate any feedback

Link:

Listen to what now, little man? by 2 Rightly on #SoundCloud
https://on.soundcloud.com/CDiQANJYRrZc2aZu6

Lyrics:

what now, little man?

 
51 years on the chain gang, tell me
how did that work out for you?
  nobody said it would be easy,
   I'll admit I sometimes play the fool
  your sole desire was to fit in
it started at the beginnin'
when you mistook direction
for a fateful dose of deception

what now, little man, what now?
   what now, little man, and how?
       ... confusion!

bitterness where you once had style
now you're trying hard to forget
  after an inch, y' gave them a mile
   n' just what did you expect?
  they're asking for an acrobat
 for one who bends and will not crack
you did not have to answer that
y' took the bait, n' can't give it back

  51 years, are you not impressed?
     just short of amazing,
        'little more, maybe less

what now, little man, what now
what now, my brother, and how?
   ...confusion!
   
 n' those who would sell you the cure
they are the same who are making you sick

        you sold yourself too short

  ____________
     Rightly

Title: Re: What now, little man?
Post by: IronKnee on Feb 06, 2025, 06:25 PM
Good premise. I know some that fit this to a Tee. They work their whole lives, only to die a couple of years after retirement.
It can be looked at as a true-life tragedy, or a lifetime of self-sacrifice for your family's future.

Good, sad, song!
Title: Re: What now, little man?
Post by: icystorm on Feb 06, 2025, 06:42 PM
@Rightly -- I recall this song from the lyrics sub-forum. It's cool to see that you recorded the song as you said you would! It's a cool track with humor, wit, and cynicism! The circus-like atmosphere of the song is apropos for the theme! I enjoyed listening. :D

Cheers,
Joseph
Title: Re: What now, little man?
Post by: Vicki on Feb 06, 2025, 11:23 PM
Your songs always make me think. This one could certainly apply to a lot of people these days. Retirement ought to be our first phase, when we can enjoy it and do stuff. I can't think how that would work, though.
Title: Re: What now, little man?
Post by: Mora Amaro La Loba on Feb 07, 2025, 10:21 AM
Hola @Rightly
It's the first song I've heard this morning and I've enjoyed its difference, that arrangement is terrific, really surprising giving a dark humorous character to the heavy story of that man, so brave for having resisted the weight of his life, his kind of chain, very good work!!!
Estás en bue momento creativo y de producción!!
Title: Re: What now, little man?
Post by: Rightly on Feb 08, 2025, 12:29 PM
Quote from: Vicki on Feb 06, 2025, 11:23 PMYour songs always make me think. This one could certainly apply to a lot of people these days. Retirement ought to be our first phase, when we can enjoy it and do stuff. I can't think how that would work, though.

Hi Vicki
First phase?
I take my play very seriously, and I certainly don't expect capitalist opportunists to come through on their promises. I have done in the past and I've been rewarded with a disappointing enlightenment.
I've new tracks on the drawing board but I keep thinking I should try doing some covers.

Have a wonderful weekend!
Title: Re: What now, little man?
Post by: Elvis Nash on Feb 08, 2025, 05:42 PM
You can surely get a little nasty being retired , if you let it

Good job man , I can relate
Title: Re: What now, little man?
Post by: Thekesslerboy on Feb 09, 2025, 11:52 PM
Ray Davies is alive and well!  Very Kinksy.
Title: Re: What now, little man?
Post by: mattyoungmusic on Feb 10, 2025, 10:34 AM
I was thinking, "this has a particular sound...mood...humor..." then the Kinks comment brought everything into focus!  Nice job!
Title: Re: What now, little man?
Post by: Rightly on Feb 13, 2025, 11:23 PM
Quote from: mattyoungmusic on Feb 10, 2025, 10:34 AMI was thinking, "this has a particular sound...mood...humor..." then the Kinks comment brought everything into focus!  Nice job!

@Thekesslerboy
As well.

Hello matt
Your comments compelled me to listen to the kinks. They're great. I've learned they're a big deal.
But mine is not theirs. Just saying.
Title: Re: What now, little man?
Post by: mattyoungmusic on Feb 14, 2025, 03:41 PM
Quote from: Rightly on Feb 13, 2025, 11:23 PMHello matt
Your comments compelled me to listen to the kinks. They're great. I've learned they're a big deal.
But mine is not theirs. Just saying.


I don't know what you mean by 'mine is not theirs' but glad you've enjoyed what you've heard.
Title: Re: What now, little man?
Post by: Rightly on Feb 14, 2025, 04:36 PM
Quote from: mattyoungmusic on Feb 14, 2025, 03:41 PM
Quote from: Rightly on Feb 13, 2025, 11:23 PMHello matt
Your comments compelled me to listen to the kinks. They're great. I've learned they're a big deal.
But mine is not theirs. Just saying.


I don't know what you mean by 'mine is not theirs' but glad you've enjoyed what you've heard.

Hi
I just meant
I find my sound is unlike that of the kinks.

I hear some things both sounds have in common.
I'm really quite surprised how good they are.
It sounds like they had more than one writer.

The early kinks sound a bit like early Bowie
Title: Re: What now, little man?
Post by: ChrisPrice on Feb 23, 2025, 07:31 PM
Well, I wouldn't argue with the Kinks comparison, but I very much doubt that this was your intention. This track is what I've come to expect from you and it's great. The arrangement is extraordinary...in a very good way. I love it. :)
Title: Re: What now, little man?
Post by: Enemcy on Feb 24, 2025, 02:49 PM
Aha think you could show me a Rightly original in 30 years and I'd still instantly identify the artist!

Poignant lyrically, I thought the retirement age was closer to 80 these days? :'( It's an everlasting tug-of-war on how much you allow yourself to enjoy now at the cost of your future (and vice-versa) which Im sure all of us can resonate with.

The contrasting whimsical instrumentation is interesting and well put together, all a bit surreal but adds to the message.

Much love
Title: Re: What now, little man?
Post by: Boydie on Mar 31, 2025, 11:06 AM
Quirky, clever lyrics, funny - it all comes together perfectly

For me it was "The Kinks" meet "Monty Python"

I really liked the vocal effect on "confusion"

My only suggestion would be to try out a more "solid" drum trackas it is currently quite "busy" - I think a more solid "groove" may give a stronger foundation

But it was still a great, fun, listen!