Hello Everyone, I'm new to songwriting and to be honest, I don't go by the basic structure (vers, prechorus, chorus, etc) that everyone else adhere to. I just write.
"Please Go Don't Turn Around" is a prequel to the song, "I Should Have Turned Around"
The song is about a love entanglement, "Please Go Don't Turn Around" is her side of the story and "I Should Have Turned Around" is his reaction to her.
I wrote the lyrics so it's not AI generated but I used Suno to compose. I can't sing or play an instrument.
Here's the link to "Please Go Don't Turn Around"
https://suno.com/song/5e14e18a-d4f0-4e46-b75b-e25deb8d0bc3?sh=m1XDPETuX477sSv6
I will make a new thread for "I Should Have Turned Around"
The first thing I want to say is--everything I write is based on my opinions, so if you like any of my suggestions, feel free to use them. If you don't, feel free to ignore them.
This lyric is what I would consider a smoky bar, torch-singer style and I noticed that's what you had Suno do with it. Now, I'll look at one section at a time.
I want you to know
That I really don't want you to go
But if you stay in my arms tonight
I must say in the morning light
Baby, you deserve the best of me
Like I deserve the best of you
Judging by the way you separated sections with empty lines, this would probably be verse 1. The first three lines feel strong to me and set the stage nicely. The 4th line feels forced, like you couldn't think of what you really wanted here. I wonder if you could use something about it being right? Like maybe, "I don't feel like it would be right." Or "Is there a way we can make it right?"
Please Go, And don't turn around
If it's love we've found
we shouldn't have to creep around.
Let's end it all
What's wrong could never be right
Comes to light
This section has your hook/title, so I would expect it to be the chorus. But you have the next section labeled as the chorus--AND it has the hook again. My recommendation would be to omit the section above. I don't think you need it. And use the next section as your chorus, just as you have it labeled.
NOTE: I know you said you don't have sections like verse, chorus, bridge; but you did include a chorus here, so I'm assuming some structure in my review.
Chorus
Leave the key and close the door
This thing we got I don't want no more
Please Go, And don't turn around
If it's love we've found we shouldn't have to creep around.
This works for me.
Good times was not great
With a wife and kids to forsake
It was all a great escape
Good times could never be great
Deceitful eyes shouldn't have never met
Oh, how I regret
I think this verse needs work. Here's one idea:
I have a lot at stake
With a wife and kids to forsake
This is all a big mistake
No matter how good, it'll never be great
Deceitful eyes should never have met
Oh, how I regret.
Repeat chorus
Leave the key and close the door
This thing we got, I don't want no more.
Please Go, And don't turn around
If it's love we've found we shouldn't creep around.
What's wrong, will never be right
comes to light.
I recommend you make your chorus the same each time for consistency. Your repeat chorus has two extra lines. So--first, I would choose a version of the 4th (last) line to keep it consistent--either "If it's love we've found we shouldn't have to creep around" or "If it's love we've found we shouldn't creep around". I prefer the one without the "have to". And second, if you want to keep the last two lines of your last chorus, perhaps make them your outro.
This was rushed; if I had more time I would probably have some different recommendations.
I hope this is helpful!
Vicki
Wow..Vicki, Thank you so much for taking the time to dissect each verse. I like how you are showing me how to structure it. I appreciate your feedback and it helps me immensely improve. This is great constructive criticism.