My songwriting method used to be to write the whole thing at once. I mean, lyrics and melody came together as I wrote. Lately I've been writing lyrics with no melodies and then laboring to come up with melodies. I don't know why my method has changed, and I'm finding it difficult to come up with melodies after the lyrics. Anyway, I have a new lyric.
My current lyric has two versions. I'm posting both of them here and I'm looking for recommendations for which one to keep. I have my own idea which one is best, but I don't really want to lose either one. Also, either or both of them might still be in development. Words can always change.
Any kind of feedback is welcome. I'm not looking for praise--I want actionable suggestions, if you have some.
So here are the two versions:
"Tired All the Time"-Version 1
VERSE 1
It's morning; I wish I was still asleep
But nature calls, and everything hurts
I crawl out of bed; to the bathroom I creep
And that is as much as I care to exert
CHORUS
I'm so tired all the time
I'm so tired all the time
Is there somewhere I can hide
I'm so tired all the time
VERSE 2
I expect judgment from some in my life
I feel so frantic; I just don't feel able
My chest is all knotted; I'm so not all right
My friends probably think I'm unstable
CHORUS
BRIDGE
I used to love to do things
I had an eagerness spark
Planning a plan gave me wings
But these days my fire is dark
CHORUS
===========================================
"Tired All the Time"-Version 2
VERSE 1
It's morning; I wish I was still asleep
I'm all worn out from my head to my feet
But nature calls, so out of bed I creep
And I'm hungry, so I'll get something to eat
CHORUS
I'm so tired all the time
I'm so tired all the time
Is there somewhere I can hide
I'm so tired all the time
VERSE 2
I want to get away from all the pressure in my life
It's run, run, run from morning till night
My stomach's in knots; my chest wound tight
It's hard to breathe; I'm feeling fight or flight
CHORUS
BRIDGE
I used to love to do things
I had an eagerness spark
Planning a plan gave me wings
But these days my fire is dark
CHORUS
Hah! And thus we discover the aging process. The need to slow down, versus the need to keep on keeping on in conflict, which is it that will provide what we're searching for? I can't wax poetic all day long and call that time well spent, or at least in the daylight sense of spending time. I'm a life-long physical person, in mind and body, and probably more so than most. I'm 70, don't have any lingering pain or other affliction that slows me down, but the longer I live the less I appreciate it in the context of living amidst the global community of a species hobbled by itself in countless primitive ways. Funny how that works. So, I write about it. So have you in the foregoing lyrics, and I have to assume that yours is not a completely physical cause for your fatigue. Mind over matter, the matter atrophies if the mind lets it.
Both versions are strong, but the first resonated more with me - seemed more poetic and humorous. If I can come close to completing one version, I'm doing well...2? That's impressive. One thought on the chorus is whether a change in the final line might work, e.g. is there somewhere I can hide...somewhere in the back of my mind, or similar.