I've been working on this song forever. I remember, it must be more than 10 years ago--maybe more than 20--driving home from work and trying different approaches to the words. I was just coming to the small hill by the fire tower when the right melody pattern came to me. I have a hard time remembering melodies (and words, for that matter) unless I get them down on paper right away, so I kept singing it to myself the rest of the way home.
This recording is a mess--I freely admit it. But if I don't run with what I have, I don't think I'll ever get it done.
Lyrics are on SoundCloud. Listen here: Break Away (https://soundcloud.com/caliamoko/break-away-1).
The lyrics may be a little off. I'm not sure I got all the "break aways" in the right places.
For feedback--I know production is a mess, so try to ignore that. Feedback on lyrics is welcome. Ideas for production would be good, not that I would know how to implement them. And I'd like opinions besides mine on how well the melodic setting goes with the lyrics. And the style of production, messy as it is, if it suits the whole thing.
Thanks,
Vicki
@Vicki — I think you've created a solid structure for a good song. I listened a few times to make sure I absorbed it. I can imagine
Break Away developed with rhythm guitar, bass, keys, synths, drums, and additional percussion. With your great voice singing lead and harmonizing your own backing vocals, I believe you could develop it nicely.
I like the unusual style! The atmosphere of it seems to resemble Russian Gypsy music — and that's a compliment! An example of the style is below. The song is called
Camp Fire. Of course, your song has a modern feel as well, but there's still a strong air of Russian Gypsy music. :D
I'm only pasting the link rather than embedding the YT video because the song doesn't begin until the 1317s mark:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMJ8VRya6uU&t=1317s
I like your lyrics — and you get bonus points for using the word
stultifies! To the best of my knowledge, that's a first. :D
I think these two lines are my favorites:
Break away from the earthly ties that bind you
Keep away from the worldly cares that blind youI look forward to hearing you develop your song more. Nice work so far! :D
Cheers,
Joseph :D
Hi
i agree with icystorm
the vocals are good & it has a charming hook
a bit of a Sea Shanty type vibe to it
also looking forward to re worked version
success
subvibe
Wow!!!! I think it's your best song!!!! Vocals, melodies, structure, that you hate hahaha, a so special song, unique. this week you are the champion, I enjoyed it so much
@Vicki Wonderful experience, glad you are doing better and better.
Mix could be retouched but it does not matter, the song is so good!
Hi Vickie... I love the lines, "Break away from the earthly ties that bind you
Keep away from the worldly cares that blind you"
I used to always have a small notebook that I carried at all times to jot down phrases or thoughts. As far as melody, I always told myself not to worry, that it is all in there somewhere in my head.... and I was always right. Sometimes it would take a day, even, for it to come back to me ... usually when I was doing something mundane.
Love the song, and love your story!
It is original, not my bag, but can't say there is anything to change about it.
Thank you, @icystorm . I hadn't thought about what style it is. And @subvibe . I hadn't picked up on the sea shanty vibe, either! And I love both of those styles, so I suppose I could have been influenced by them.
And @Mora Amaro La Loba . I do hope to get a better produced version of it someday.
And @IronKnee . Those were the two lines the song is built around. It's the message I wanted to convey.
And @V1NCE . Thank you so much for listening, especially since it isn't up your alley!
Thank you, everyone, for listening and taking the time to comment!
Vicki
@Vicki — You're welcome! I look forward to hearing how your song evolves. :D
Kind regards,
Joseph