Many moons ago I wrote the original of this
I produced it as a song, until recently at least twice
It has never worked on stage... but it's not over
When writing I was in a relationship that was was mostly amazing, but I knew it had to end.
Feedback would be appreciated
there to disappear
with muted senses
searching so as not to find
shuffling our feet as
all our precious clocks
unwinding and wily
what be your business here?
if not to remind me of
all I truly am
and then, and there to disappear
oh, to disappear
and then, and there to disappear
guarded ignorance
wonder doesn't have a name
curtsy to indifference as
night follows days again
no time for distance
let me ring a bell in your ear
all out of patience
I turn another page
and then, and there to disappear
oh, to disappear
and then, and there to disappear
all these demands, this rush for affection
'just saying, who needs love when we've got protection?
and then, and there to disappear
oh, to disappear
and then, and there to disappear
to disappear
__________________
Rightly
Your lyrics are always deeper than I can easily penetrate. I mostly get the impression the protagonist wants to go "all in" but knows it will ultimately be useless and is, therefore, holding back. The vibe is serious and kind of a "what's the use" or "why am I putting myself through this" feel, although I couldn't stifle a chuckle at "who needs love when we've got protection"? And I doubt that it's meant to be funny, so I feel a little regret about that. I can see why this would be hard to put to music. If you get that far, I hope to get a chance to hear it.
Abstract lyrics tend to leave me with more of a feeling than an understanding.
I struggle with the storyline, often with the sense I may be getting this all wrong. It's that sense of doubt that impacts on my liking/disliking of the piece.
There may be many people out there who totally get this, unfortunately, I'm not one of them.
Thank you for posting and I look forward to your future works.
Sid
Quote from: Vicki on Sep 12, 2025, 03:34 AMYour lyrics are always deeper than I can easily penetrate. I mostly get the impression the protagonist wants to go "all in" but knows it will ultimately be useless and is, therefore, holding back. The vibe is serious and kind of a "what's the use" or "why am I putting myself through this" feel, although I couldn't stifle a chuckle at "who needs love when we've got protection"? And I doubt that it's meant to be funny, so I feel a little regret about that. I can see why this would be hard to put to music. If you get that far, I hope to get a chance to hear it.
Aah Vicki
Where you stifled a giggle...
it was meant to be funny
I'm always funny and serious.
One doesn't negate the other.
Some of my scribblings are certainly ambiguous, just not to me.
I like to leave space for the listener to reflect. Only crazy scribblers try and fail to tell the listener everything.
And I finished it and posted it.
Quote from: sidshovel on Sep 22, 2025, 08:02 AMAbstract lyrics tend to leave me with more of a feeling than an understanding.
I struggle with the storyline, often with the sense I may be getting this all wrong. It's that sense of doubt that impacts on my liking/disliking of the piece.
There may be many people out there who totally get this, unfortunately, I'm not one of them.
Thank you for posting and I look forward to your future works.
Sid
I don't want to give anyone all of it.
There are songs that try and fail to do that.
They're invariably dull.
My songs are not monologues or operation manuals, they're interactive.
Thinking and feelings are actions,
not necessarily intentional
but there you go.👍