Nirvana
In a rustic shed beside a bay
He built a boat to sail away
Each plank he laid he made a vow
To leave the life he'd lived till now
They called him mad to throw away
The things that would make most men stay
Love of money and solid walls
But he had heard the ocean's call
Raise the sails, let go the lines
Leave your world of ties behind
Let the wind decide the course
Turn your mind to higher thoughts
And you may find,
Nirvana
He sailed away one autumn dawn
The world he knew forever gone
No destination, no return
Just endless time to live and learn
Raise the sails, let go the lines
Leave your world of ties behind
Let the wind decide the course
Turn your mind to higher thoughts
And you may find,
Nirvana
At sea he finds his quiet place
In solitude, his song
The compass points to nowhere
But each nowhere feels like home.
Now somewhere on the ocean deep
Where mermaids sleep and dolphins leap
There sails a man who needed more
And found his dreams on distant shores
He raised the sails, let go the lines
Left his world of ties behind
Let the wind decide his course
Turned his mind to higher thoughts
And there he found,
Nirvana
You can replace Ties with Lies, if you want a more cynical vibe.
I like the mood and the message of this. For me, it defines detachment from worldly things. The rhythm stumbles a little in a couple places but nothing that can't be handled when fitting words to the melody.
Yes, you're right, Vicki. I've run it through a few genre on Suno and it copes with those difficult lines quite well so haven't felt compelled to work on them. Thanks.
Very quiet over here on the Lyrics section isn't it?
I love this kind of nautical narrative, John. And you're so good at them. ;) If I may make one suggestion: Rather than extending the rhyming couplet approach into the chorus as well, perhaps consider changing the rhyme scheme slightly in the chorus (as you've done in the bridge). Just to avoid any possible Dr Seuss-type rhyming monotony.
Donna
Thanks, Donna. I originally had the second and third lines in the chorus switched over but this way seemed to sing better, especially with a pause before - Nirvana. Now you've got me rethinking it again!