Songwriter Forum

General Category => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: philliphoward847 on Dec 20, 2024, 08:05 PM

Title: Is this Goodbye?
Post by: philliphoward847 on Dec 20, 2024, 08:05 PM
Just making one or two final tweaks—vocal adjustments and some percussion changes—but the song is pretty much done:

perennialaims · isg-ma-draft

Title: Re: Is this Goodbye?
Post by: philliphoward847 on Dec 21, 2024, 08:50 PM
Here are the lyrics:

[Verse 1]
Found your sick self, I'm loathing me
Found your sick self, I'm loathing me
My hero's gone, I'm stuck in this place

Happiness is fading!

I'd save you in the nick of time
Even when I stood so still
You promised you wouldn't drift away

Found your sick self, I'm loathing me
Found your sick self, I'm loathing me
My hero's gone, I'm stuck in this place

Happiness is fading!

Could you see my face now?
Tired, oh, so old and grey
Counting all my days now
Wiping all my tears in vain

There's nothing here that can bring you back
No matter how hard I try
Sorry that I let you down
My happiness won't multiply

I couldn't find the answers
Can't believe you've gone away
I'm praying for an answer

[Verse 2]
Fall to the wayside, out of my eyes,
Fall to the wayside, out of my eyes,
Fall to the wayside in half the time.

Fall to the wayside out of my eyes,
Fall to the wayside out of my eyes,
Fall to the wayside out of touch, now.
Title: Re: Is this Goodbye?
Post by: Vicki on Dec 21, 2024, 09:27 PM
I listened a couple of times. I noticed you marked most of the song as "Verse 1" and then the change-up section at the end as "Verse 2". I don't think I would try to divide this into typical sections like verses and choruses. It's more of a meditative through-composed piece with a lot repetitive melody lines. I like the lyric change you made to line #7.

Now that you've broken the ice by posting, I hope I'll be seeing some feedback posts from you.

Sincerely,
Vicki
Title: Re: Is this Goodbye?
Post by: ChrisPrice on Dec 29, 2024, 05:44 PM
The first things that hit me is a great voice and some great guitar. Nice incidental keys too.
Yes indeed, two songs rolled into one. It works well for me. The changeover works really well to my ears.
A fabulous track. :)
Title: Re: Is this Goodbye?
Post by: Boydie on Jan 03, 2025, 06:13 PM
What a cracking song

Some of the vocal phrasing gave me an Amy Winehouse vibe

You have a great tone to your voice

As I was listening, I was hoping some percussion would come in, and it did - I wasn't expecting the change up in rhythm though, which was a nice a surprise - although, I think you really have 2 separate songs here

I would suggest treating them as separate songs as the vibe and energy were so different

Overall though, I loved the vibe and song (or songs  ;D )
Title: Re: Is this Goodbye?
Post by: subvibe on Jan 10, 2025, 04:43 PM

Hi

Great Vocals
the build up is very smooth 

subvibe
Title: Re: Is this Goodbye?
Post by: Mora Amaro La Loba on Jan 10, 2025, 07:48 PM
Love it all!!! So special!!!! Your voice!! and lyrics
Title: Re: Is this Goodbye?
Post by: mattyoungmusic on Jan 11, 2025, 05:03 PM
Fantastic vibe.  The voice is really smooth and expressive, and the instrumentation is understated enough to give the emotions of the voice their rightful place.  Well done.
Title: Re: Is this Goodbye?
Post by: philliphoward847 on Feb 19, 2025, 02:47 AM
Here's the official music video for it :)

Title: Re: Is this Goodbye?
Post by: Dogmax on Mar 23, 2025, 12:43 AM
First of all your vocal is to close to the mic at the start it's off putting re recrod from a distance then come in