[SFX]

So I am writing a new album about love: the way I love, the way I have been loved, the way I love myself, how I view love, love vs obsession etc.. I have just written a first draft of the album's opening track ( I have written others that follow on later before now).. it is called Pioneer and is an important one to me.. I would love to hear your thoughts and interpretations on it.. thanks guys

Some say the worst pain is the kind

You know will never go away

But I know that in the light of day

Some of those scars can fade

 

Some say that a memory

Can paint a thousand words

And you tell the most breathtaking story

That I've ever heard

 

Roll the dice and take a slide, logic don't apply to this thing called life

And although you're gone, you still manage to spawn

The most sparkling insight

 

From pain comes creation and look what we made

A steely formation that could never be swayed

A statue carved from your blood and the sapphire in my eyes

I bow down to you always, pioneer of my life

 

Some say that Gods are in the sky

Or deep in the sea

But the most powerful force of all

Is the one who lives in me

 

Some say that birds of a feather

Well they only flock together

 But some have no choice

But to have their ties severed

 

Cut the rope and wait to fall, nothing is the one thing that awaits us all

 A reflection in every tear means I can see myself in you for a thousand years

 

From pain comes creation and look what we made

A steely formation that could never be swayed

A statue carved from your blood and the sapphire in my eyes

I bow down to you always, pioneer of my life

 

You're the one who's face I see in the sun at every break of dawn

You're the voice who tells me I'll be okay when everything goes wrong

You're the one who taught me how to care unconditionally

Your'e the one who pierced my heart and let the love pour out of me

 

From pain comes creation and look what we made

A steely formation that could never be swayed

A statue carved from your blood and the sapphire in my eyes

I bow down to you always, pioneer of my life

 

Pioneer

[CaliaMoko]

Some of my favorite lines from this:

From pain comes creation and look what we made
A steely formation that could never be swayed

I love the image of the "steely formation" and the idea that pain can spark something good!

You're the voice who tells me I'll be okay when everything goes wrong

and

But the most powerful force of all
Is the one who lives in me

I really like the concept of recognizing personal empowerment. I might consider changing one word thus: "Is the one that lives in me." I know you're referring back to the word God, but I like the idea of focusing on the word "force" for this final thought of the verse. That's just me, though, so use or lose, as you like.

Another possible opportunity for improvement:

Some say that birds of a feather
Well they only flock together
But some have no choice
But to have their ties severed

I'm on the fence about the first two lines--it's an old saying, and I wonder if you could come up with something more original. The use of the word "but" at the beginning of both the last two lines feels like too much repetition too close together, in my opinion. One idea:

While some say birds of a feather
Tend only to flock together
There are some with no choice
But to have their ties severed

Looks like a promising lyric! Good luck with it.

Vicki