[Landslide Victory]

I wrote this in 1990. Recorded by my late uncle the same year.
Story of a bad trip.

I hate the first verse. But it is what it is .... a very old recording that I'd like to improve upon.

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=11915800

Lyrics .....

Two decades of struggle pass before my eyes
And it only takes a second to realise
It's not all that bad
Please don't let it be over.

I think I'm in a tunnel
But you're standing next to me
Reflecting on the good times
A burning to be free
Will it all soon be over
Please turn off the TV.

Look I'm smiling now
I hope you're satisfied
Everything looks normal
But you can't see the dragons.

Now that's strange
The door looks much bigger
Than it did before
Any minute it'll open
And they'll get me.

Alright I'll close my eyes
And trust in you completely
To help me through this nightmare
Of ripping flesh
An abstract hell
Is all that i can see.

Look I'm smiling now
I hope you're satisfied
Everything looks normal
But you can't feel the pain
Never again
Never again.

[montydog]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

It's pretty hard to make a judgement because it's a very poor quality recording but it sounds like the fundementals are all there. The melody, chords and lyrics hang together and with some attention to the vocal delivery this could be a compelling song. I was reminded a little of Pink Floyd by the tone of the song and the subject matter.

You could try "20 years of struggle" instead of "two decades".

Your best bet for recording at home and getting a decent quality result is to buy a digital recorder. Tascam make a really nice model with stereo mics which is really easy to use and produces CD quality recordings. I have the Tascam DR-07 MKII which I can highly recommend.

http://www.dv247.com/studio-equipment/tascam-dr07-mkii-portable-digital-recorder--86138

Good luck and keep at it.

[Landslide Victory]

Thanks for the reply.

I was 19 when I wrote it. Two decades seemed ok then. Dear me, I'm 41 now.
 
My uncle arranged it. I gave him the lyrics and he did the rest. Portable tape deck. I'd love to get it re-recorded.

He was a good musician but didn't have the best voice.

I really don't like any of the first verse and have changed some of the second.

As for home recording, I have an Akai MPK49 on the way to use with Ableton.
I just need to buy a decent mic.
Thanks for the link. I'll check out the Tascam.

[Landslide Victory]

How does this sound as a first verse compared to the original?

You told me it was good but you were telling lies
And it only takes a second to realise
This could turn out bad
Please God let it be over.

[nooms]

be nice to get this sorted, reminds of cohen a little in the phrasing and tone,
can imagine it working really well
and welcome to the forum
get yourself involved, im sure the forum will open up for you.
good luck

[travis]

Ditto I'm afraid the sound is pretty poor.Would like to hear it with a better recording
Travis

[Boydie]

I think you would really benefit from getting a decent, basic, set-up sorted

I can hear what you are going for and I also get the Pink Floyd vibe

As for the song - I would suggest thinking a little more about structure - and make sure this shines through in the performance so that the listener can easily identify each section (Verse, Climb, Bridge etc.)

There are lots of ways to do this by using stops (which you have done to some extent) but the easiest method is to vary the dynamics a little more - e.g. quieter verse, louder chorus, quiter verse etc.

This will help keep the listener engaged, especially with a sparse "vocal & guitar" arrangement

[Landslide Victory]

Cheers for the comments. Just to let you know, this was recorded by my uncle circa 1990. It was ripped to my PC recently.

Recording equipment is ok as of now. If I could play guitar I'd have a go myself. I wish my uncle was still around to help but he's been dead for years.

I use Ableton, various vst plugins etc and a midi keyboard controller. Close friend a few hundred yards away has a decent set up. Good quality Shure mic etc. But I wouldn't inflict his "vocal" style on anyone. I just need somebody that can play guitar.