[JackalBoy]

Hi there, new to the forum and looking for some honest, unbiased feedback/constructive criticism.

This song is called "Looking Through a Lens" and is about how we sometimes miss moments because we're too busy trying to capture them.

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Lyrics:-

Sometimes, I think, sometimes,
We're too busy looking through a lens, to see whats on the other end.
And, sometimes, I think sometimes,
We're the ones with the shutters on 'cause we can't see what's going on.

Pictures flash before my eyes,
Sometimes I don't realise,
They're the ones who are smiling,
And I'm outside the frame.
I don't want to be negative,
But there's not much that I wouldn't give,
To be the one who's smiling...
To be the one who's smiling...

Sometimes, I feel I've tried,
To capture the moment for so long, I didn't notice when the moment's gone.
And, sometimes, I think, sometimes,
I've gotta put the camera down, lift up my head and look around.

Pictures flash before my eyes,
Sometimes I don't realise,
They're the ones who are smiling,
And I'm out of the shot.
I don't want to be negative,
But there's not much that I wouldn't give,
To be the one who's smiling...
To be the one who's smiling... But I'm not.

Sometimes, I see the bigger picture,
'cause life is just a fixture,
And it's hanging on my wall.
Then I, I finally realise,
I see the world through both my eyes,
And I'm not sad at all.

Pictures flash before my eyes,
And suddenly I realise,
I'm the one who's smiling,
At all those memories.
The photographs that I look through,
Remind me what we used to do,
And we'll be forever smiling,
We'll be forever smiling, me and you.

Me and you.

Any feedback is greatly appreciated.
Thanks,
Sam.

[Landslide Victory]

I only joined this site today. Most of my scribbles are posted on a poetry forum.

Belting song. Really like it.

I don't want to be negative,
But there's not much that I wouldn't give,

As a fan of rhyme, meter and alliteration, I heard this for these lines ....

But far from being negative,
There isn't much I wouldn't give.

Hope you don't mind this comment.

Lovely song, Sam.

[montydog]

Beautifully played and performed song. Lovely tune and great harmonies. You have plenty of musical ideas which hang together perfectly. This is my sort of thing -  a great song and performance without artifice. You should be very proud of this.

[JackalBoy]

@Landslide Victory, thank you for the suggestion, I like it. I'll see if I can work it in there next time I'm playing.

@Montydog, thanks for the compliments, I'm really glad you liked the song and my performance. It's great to hear some positive feedback from someone who doesn't know me.

[Boydie]

A lovely little tune, great job

I think if you were ever going to rework the track I would consider making the intro a little shorter

The guitar melodies are really nice, although I think adding the harmony guitar part "dilutes" the hook somewhat

I also found the panning of the guitars a little extreme

However, overall this is a great track and the harmonies are particularly nice

The lead vocal also has a very professional, "commercial" quality which is great

Good job and welcome to the forum - don't forget to get stuck in reviewing others - the more you put in te more you get out 

[mihkay]

Lovely piece.
Well played and nice crisp production. I even liked the lyrics. Now I usually don't notice lyrics until the 3rd or 4th listen ..if at all, but these caught my ear right away. 

The only slight criticism was that the song did seem to be in two distinct parts. Perhaps the join could be a little subtler? Only my opinion cause that's what I'd do. 

Job well done. 

[digger72]

Hi,

The tracks got a nice vibe. Not usually my kind of thing, but there's something about it...
Nice harmonies. Liked the bouncy guitar style.
Again, not sure about the bridge as Mihkay mentioned. Maybe need a few more listens.
Catchy tune.

Digger

[jrengreen]

Two emphatic thumbs up. The production's got a lovely light quality, which suits the song perfectly. It's a great concept for a song as well - it's so hard to get out of the standard courtship/unrequited love/breakup patterns. Great job!