[Apophenia]

Sorry forgot to post the link with the music before.  Let's try this again.

http://soundcloud.com/apophenial/dying-daily



cynics grin at bright eyes grow dim
cynics grin at bright eyes grow dim
the dream is over for some
while others watch it dance down into their hands
never questioning if they can

the world is heavy thing to move
the world is a heavy thing to move
only big bangs causing change
then only to scratch our itching face
didn't even see them putting up the gates

please give us someone to lead
please give us someone to lead
give the hungry their marching orders
they're screaming maybe they will save our lives
please save our lives

we need to change the way we think
we need to change the way we think
keep going this way we give up our decisions
they don't  think we can make them anymore
i need more than an old cold floor

lets go a little further down stream
its getting hard out here alone
forget about whats different between
time to get down to the bone

dying daily never get it right
dying daily never get it right
i keep trying everyday
i always get in my way
dying daily never get it right

[seriousfun]

There is lovely guitar play in here, very nice touches in fact. The verses are lovely,and the lyrics are most intriguing.

I did find however that a song of this nature, a slow paced, verse based, simple acoustic melody cant hold attention for this length of time. I would like to see a verse or two dropped and the chorus bought in a little earlier. Also the chorus doesnt quiet work for me musically. The lyric is fine but I was expecting something to really lift the song and then falling back to the verse for the outro. Sorry to be critical like this but as its a rough take I asume you want to find areas in which you can move the song forward. It is a nice tune with a strong and intriguing message that gets better on each listen. I think its well thought out but just too long for this style.

[Apophenia]

@serious fun

Thanks a lot for your critiques.  No apologies neccessary I was kind of feeling that it dragged on too much.  Good to have some affirmation.  I'm going to work on it.

[S.T.C]

I really like this song and this style of music...i like this sort of song late an night...

[Apophenia]

@ stc  Thanks for that

[JackalBoy]

Very nice and mellow, I completely agree with songsthatcry. This is the sort of song that I would listen to and relax after a long shift at work. Favourite lyric "the world is a heavy thing to move." Good work!

[jrengreen]

Hey, great song. I'm also digging the mellow feel, and your lyrics are interesting and engaging. But they're slightly swallowed by scansion you've employed. Maybe it's a stylistic thing, but I think you could tidy up the meter a little bit - when I looked away from the lyrics, I kept losing the thread! Keep up the great work.