[hardtwistmusic]

  This is a commentary on a real person..... not someone I was involved with, but someone a good friend was dating.  It's about a good person who is confused and frightened.    I put a lot of effort into ensuring I remained respectful and true to life.  I would like to know if it comes across as disrespectful at all.  Not worried that the person it's about would ever see it or recognize self, just don't want it to sound disrespectful. 


                         JUST JENNY
Verse

She’s Sweet Jennifer Sundays, Christian as she can be.          
Prim and proper, quiet and shy,  dressed conservatively.        
She’s Wild Jen every Friday night at the Eagle’s Nest don’t you know.                  
Dressed to the nines, laughing the loudest, and putting on a big show.    

Pre Chorus
She struggles  at being Sweet Jennifer.
She works hard at being Wild Jen.  
But when the spotlight is off her,  
woh oh oh,  well then.  
She turns into “Just Jenny”    -  again.  

Chorus
I wish she was “Just Jenny”. Why can’t she be “Just Jenny.”  
I wish she was “Just Jenny”  all of the time.
          
Why can’t she be  “Just Jenny?”  
Why can’t she be “Just Jenny?”  
Why can’t she be  “Just Jenny”  all of the time?          

Bridge:  
Sweet  Jennifer Sundays, Wild  Jen Friday nights.  
But I’ve always got “Just Jenny”  on my mind.    
Three different people in one crowded soul.  
I’m not sure what it can find.                                                      
Why can't she be “Just Jenny” all of the time.

Chorus
I wish she was “Just Jenny”…. Why can’t she be “Just Jenny.”
I wish she'd be “Just Jenny”  all of the time.  
        
Why can’t she be  “Just Jenny?”  I wish she was “Just Jenny?”  
Why can’t she be  “Just Jenny”  all of the time?  

Pre-Chorus
Sweet Jennifer Sundays,   Wild Jen Friday nights.        
But I’ve always got “Just Jenny”  on my mind.
        
Chorus out:  

I wish she was “Just Jenny”. Why can’t she be “Just Jenny.”  
Why can’t she be “Just Jenny”  all of the time.          

[nrand]

I really like the idea behind this song and I don't think it is disrespectful at all, as the intent is to be truthful in a non-judgemental way.  You say this person is 'confused and frightened' and I would be interested, for example, to hear how this might play out in the lyric, as what I hear now possibly is something of a girl who changes with the wind.. 'Ruby Tuesday' by the Stones comes to mind as a song with a similar theme.

As far as specifics of the lyric are concerned, my only specific comment is one I always try to apply and that is 'every word used is there for a reason'. i.e  with the phrase 'I wish she was “Just Jenny”  all of the time', do you need the word 'of'?  But having said that, this comment comes from my "personal internal word rhythm machine" which is not the same as yours.

I am interested to see how this progresses.

[hardtwistmusic]

As far as specifics of the lyric are concerned, my only specific comment is one I always try to apply and that is 'every word used is there for a reason'. i.e  with the phrase 'I wish she was “Just Jenny”  all of the time', do you need the word 'of'? 

I am interested to see how this progresses.

I originally wrote this as you suggested.  "Of" was added in when the music was added, as the music seemed to be politely asking for an additional syllable. It would work without it, but it's (interestingly enough) easier to sing with the "of" included. 

I was surprised to get a comment, since I'm West Coast U.S.A. and the English posters are all in bed by the time I post things.  But you are in Australia aren't you?  So it's EARLY there when I post. 

Or, are you so far west that you're actually EAST, and it's EARLIER where you are??  Globes make for complex worlds.  :O)

[nrand]

As far as specifics of the lyric are concerned, my only specific comment is one I always try to apply and that is 'every word used is there for a reason'. i.e  with the phrase 'I wish she was “Just Jenny”  all of the time', do you need the word 'of'?  

I am interested to see how this progresses.

I originally wrote this as you suggested.  "Of" was added in when the music was added, as the music seemed to be politely asking for an additional syllable. It would work without it, but it's (interestingly enough) easier to sing with the "of" included.  

I was surprised to get a comment, since I'm West Coast U.S.A. and the English posters are all in bed by the time I post things.  But you are in Australia aren't you?  So it's EARLY there when I post.  

Or, are you so far west that you're actually EAST, and it's EARLIER where you are??  Globes make for complex worlds.  :O)

As I suspected your 'PInWoRM' is different than mine - yes folks you heard it first here.  

I think we are 17 1/2 hours ahead of you [or 6 1/2 hours behind plus one day if you can figure that one.] I have family in Hawaii and Arizona so I am kind of used to it. South Australia has one of those wierd time zones that is always 30 minutes out of sync with everywhere else.

I still like your song idea!

[benjo]

 hey HTM,

 you've got a lovely story here buried inside this
 
 at the moment it puzzles me a little
 but I don't know why I know what you're trying to say
 and if this is a true story then all the better
 you're basically falling for your mates girl
 or she really gets on your nerves

 I think in my honest opinion you've got a good base
 for a good song but it needs more of the story telling

 I hope you know what I mean
 because I think this could be a really cracking song
 just give us some more of what's going on

 keep it up though your on to something here

         good luck with it
                                      tony

[hardtwistmusic]

Actually, as I wrote the song, I wrote it from the p.o.v. of the guy dating her.  But it's WAY more interesting your way.  I'll see if I can find a bridge to a different p.o.v. 

[benjo]

 good luck with it
 as I said you are onto something

 and I think you get it

                   tony

[adamholden]

I like the idea here.  Nice!

[hardtwistmusic]

As far as specifics of the lyric are concerned, my only specific comment is one I always try to apply and that is 'every word used is there for a reason'. i.e  with the phrase 'I wish she was “Just Jenny”  all of the time', do you need the word 'of'?  

I am interested to see how this progresses.

I originally wrote this as you suggested.  "Of" was added in when the music was added, as the music seemed to be politely asking for an additional syllable. It would work without it, but it's (interestingly enough) easier to sing with the "of" included.  

I was surprised to get a comment, since I'm West Coast U.S.A. and the English posters are all in bed by the time I post things.  But you are in Australia aren't you?  So it's EARLY there when I post.  

Or, are you so far west that you're actually EAST, and it's EARLIER where you are??  Globes make for complex worlds.  :O)

As I suspected your 'PInWoRM' is different than mine - yes folks you heard it first here.  

I think we are 17 1/2 hours ahead of you [or 6 1/2 hours behind plus one day if you can figure that one.] I have family in Hawaii and Arizona so I am kind of used to it. South Australia has one of those wierd time zones that is always 30 minutes out of sync with everywhere else.

I still like your song idea!

btw... I love your "PinWorm" concept.

[tokenangmoh]

Hello.

I like this and I don't think it sounds disrespectful at all.

The only bit I'm not sure about is the "don't you know" the end of the third line. It looks like it's there to make up the syllable count, and I can only see it working with a very bouncy, uptempo melody.

Apart from that, all seems well!

Matt

[Jess]

I love this! It's fab! At first I read the title and my expectations were a bit mixed, but it blew me away. The structure is so interesting and different, and the theme itself is very original, but by the end of the song you feel like you know Jenny. Plus, I don't think it's disrespectful at all, she'd probably rather just be honoured that someone had written a song about her!