[Bernd]

dusty windows are looking blindly
upon the empty market square
the village center appears dreary
somewhere lies a broken chair

an old, hunched man comes down the alley
he looks cross and drags his feet
at this time the air is chilly
plastic bags dance in the breeze

the season's closed
so are the shops
no tourists left to stroll
the temps have left
so have the cops
you hardly find a soul

the beach now belongs to the seagulls*
the deck chairs are all stowed away
gone have the colours of last summer
and the bustling, cheerful days

the season's closed
so are the shops
no tourists left to stroll
the temps have left
so have the cops
you hardly find a soul

next season sleeps
below the surface
next season will
awake in time
crowds will be back
there will be laughter
there will be colours
the sun will shine

the season's closed
so are the shops
no tourists left to stroll
the temps have left
so have the cops
you hardly find a soul

* the meter is slightly off her: "belong" must be stressed on the first syllable to make it fit

[tokenangmoh]

Hi Bernd.

I really like the specificity and the development of your ideas in the chorus.

I might go with "gone are the colours of last summer"; "gone have" seems a bit odd to me.

How about "the beach is bare except for seagulls"? It's not as good a line intrinsically, but it would fit the metre...

Matt

[tokenangmoh]

It just clicked that this reminds me of one of my favourite stage musical songs: Another Winter in a Summer Town from Grey Gardens.

Another winter
The renters go home
The maple goes from crimson to brown
Oh God, my God
Another winter
In a summer town
The beach is empty
They covered the pools
The patio umbrellas come down
Oh God, my God
Another winter
In a summer town

Such a brilliant song, and heartbreaking in context...

[Bernd]

thanks for the "gone are ..."!

I'll await further suggestions for the 'off-meter line' (my first draft COULD work, though, shifting the stress is rather common in songs).

Bernd

[Kevin j]

i liked this! nicely written with plenty of imagery, which i think is very important,
there isn't much more i can add other than suggest you could maybe change
"the beach now belongs to the seagulls"
to "beach now belongs to the seagulls" , just taking out the "the" if it works

[hardtwistmusic]

I like this.  It's my second read of it..... it was complex enough on first read that I thought a second was necessary to fully grasp it.  That's not a bad thing.  It's how we listen to songs.  We hear something we think we might like, then we listen until we get it. 

It sings easily as I read it..... although not in all places.  I suspect you have a tune in mind that is different than how I'm reading/hearing it in my head. 

Please remember to vote for the Lyric of the Month for November contest.  And thanks for noticing that I had improperly noted the cut-off Date.  Voting ends on DECEMBER 15th.  :O)

[Paulski]

Lots of nice imagery here - gives that sense of desertion - nice one.
The only nit I have is the contraction "season's". I think when sung it won't be interpreted properly. I would suggest "season is" if that fits.
Paul

[Jess]

I really like this, I started off reading like 'what is this about' and then by the end, once I'd got a rhythm going in my head, I really enjoyed it. I like the reference to dancing plastic bags, although for the line about seagulls maybe you could say 'the beach now belongs to seagulls' (which is similar to what Kevin J said but taking out the other 'the') but it really enjoyed it and think it would make a really sweet little song