[laurabh]

I'm 15 years old, and aspiring songwriter, I want to improve and get better, so if you could give me some advice, that would be cool.
This is a pop/punk style song, that would be sung by someone like Avril Lavigne. Its actually based around someone I know, so the lyrics are, exactly how I feel, Tell me what you think

Wake Up
 I've been so annoyed at you lately,
Words can't even express the hurt
I've known it was coming a long time
But now you're treating me like dirt.

All the things you do and say keep running through my mind.
All your so called "new friends" are using you alright.
But you can't see what's going on
You might as well be blind!

Hey girl, its time to wake up
This isn't gonna last, so you've gotta grow up.
Now you're gonna have to pick up,
Where you last left off,
It's gonna be tough,
So you've gotta wake up.

I'm sick and tired of waiting
For you to come back around,
You're not the girl I used to know,
You need to get you're feet back on the ground

All the things you do and say keep running through my mind
We used to be so cool, but now it feels like I'm being ignored,
I think you owe me an explanation,
So if you could find the time...

 Hey girl, its time to wake up
This isn't gonna last, so you've gotta grow up.
Now you're gonna have to pick up,
Where you last left off,
It's gonna be tough,
So you've gotta wake up.

Why don't we try again,
Why don't we start again,
I'm willing to forget,
So if you could try and remain sober...

 Hey girl, its time to wake up
This isn't gonna last, so you've gotta grow up.
Now you're gonna have to pick up,
Where you last left off,
It's gonna be tough,
So you've gotta wake up.

 Hey girl, its time to wake up
This isn't gonna last, so you've gotta grow up.
Now you're gonna have to pick up,
Where you last left off,
It's gonna be tough,
So you've

[Schavuitje]

You need to post lyrics in the new lyric section Laura.

[pertwee]

I've been so annoyed with you lately,
that words cannot make sentences of the hurt
Knew that it was coming along time ago
But still it hurts
Because of all the idiotic things you've said
That keep going around in my mind
no, you just cant see whats going on,
Think your'e wasting your time and mine


15? Really? Good. Take the repeat's out. V7, remain sober...nice

[pertwee]

A Wonderful life
 
She smells like a wet dog blanket
And smokes foreign roll your own.
She's one up on her next door neighbours
And that makes her happy.

She cackles at t' of every sentence
And ridicules anything different.
She drinks to forget just so that
She don't remember why in the morning

Oh, but It’s a wonderful life,
She keeps telling me.
Bingo on Friday and karaoke at the weekend;
A roast on Sunday. A bicycle in the shed,
But don't trust no one, cos they'll just call the police on you
But it’s a wonderful life.
But it’s a wonderful life.
But you can’t escape it, try as you might

She dresses like a joint of mutton.
Her bra is stuffed with gun cotton.
She waves her lighter in the air at closing time.
Her wonderful life

And she knows the words to all the pop songs,
Meant for some else, twenty years younger.
But she doesn't notice, she mouths all the words
And everybody else just laugh's along.

And everybody else just laugh's along

I bite my lip and count to ten;
She dresses inappropriate for her weight.
But I can’t help myself and I break down;
I can’t stop myself, she looks ridiculous

[Paulski]

A Wonderful life
 
She smells like a wet dog blanket
And smokes foreign roll your own.
She's one up on her next door neighbours
And that makes her happy.

She cackles at t' of every sentence
And ridicules anything different.
She drinks to forget just so that
She don't remember why in the morning

Oh, but It’s a wonderful life,
She keeps telling me.
Bingo on Friday and karaoke at the weekend;
A roast on Sunday. A bicycle in the shed,
But don't trust no one, cos they'll just call the police on you
But it’s a wonderful life.
But it’s a wonderful life.
But you can’t escape it, try as you might

She dresses like a joint of mutton.
Her bra is stuffed with gun cotton.
She waves her lighter in the air at closing time.
Her wonderful life

And she knows the words to all the pop songs,
Meant for some else, twenty years younger.
But she doesn't notice, she mouths all the words
And everybody else just laugh's along.

And everybody else just laugh's along

I bite my lip and count to ten;
She dresses inappropriate for her weight.
But I can’t help myself and I break down;
I can’t stop myself, she looks ridiculous

Why are you posting YOUR lyrics in someone else's thread? I suggest you remove this post and start your own topic.
cheers
Paul

[Paulski]

Hey Laura

Welcome to the lyrics section!

This is a really good write IMO. I esp liked the chorus and how it focuses on the them and hook "wake up". It looks like it could be sung with some attitude!
The only line I thought could be better was "You might as well be blind!" - seems to make blindness a bad thing rather than a disability - maybe "Can't you see you've been blind?" or similar.

Nice one!
Paul

[tokenangmoh]

Laura's original post seems to be from 2012...

This thread is all kinds of weird.

I blame the spooky influence of the Halloween competition.

[Paulski]

Laura's original post seems to be from 2012...

This thread is all kinds of weird.

I blame the spooky influence of the Halloween competition.

Yeah - or that trouble-maker pertwee