[Channy21]

Hello. This song is based on my personal feelings when I was in high school, i wrote this song before i started high school, which was 9 years ago. This song is not finished as I am having some trouble thinking of verse2 and I don't know if this song makes any sense.

(Musical)


Verse:

I feel like I'm on my own and nobody's talking to me anymore.
I closed my door, now there is war between us right now, yeah!!
There ain't no point in messing  about and there is no point in scream and shout.
Another you, another me. Oh is this world meant for me?

Chorus:

It's me against the evolution,  well nobody is here to help me out,
so what's the point?
If revelation is against us? Well nobody is here to testify my love.

[Paulski]

Hi Channy

It's a good start - I can feel the tension in the first two lines - and that is always a good way to start. Love the door/war rhyme. As far as suggestions, I would drop the "I feel like" in the first line and maybe change the theme to "against the Revolution" or you could go with "against evolution" because you don't normally see "the" in front of "evolution".
Keep going - this has big potential!

Paul

[Channy21]

Hello paul,

Thank you for the great advice. I agree,  I will do some work on those lines and replace it with one of the ones you suggested.

Chantel

[jonpromos]

Your not-making-any-sense might make a lot of sense to those who have a sense for lyrics that would otherwise not make any sense to those of a make-sense disposition. In short, keep writing.  If you're in school, the world could use more of this and less BABY BABY BABY.

My first lyrics i wrote when i was about sixteen. So much kudos to you.

'I feel like I'm on my own and nobody's talking to me anymore.'
I wished i heard that as a teen. Lots of promise there. Fiona Apple did it for me as i was growing up. And she did it expertly with rhymes and melody.