[benjo]

 
 HEY GUYS

     a break up lyric thank you for reading and feed back



       CHASE THE RAINDROPS
         ------ = = = = ------



 closed in by the windows
 just me and my thoughts
 looks like a painted picture
 misty behind the rain fall

 the sun still shines
 creating silver linings
 this heart still beats
 but like me it's hiding

 I touch the window
 chase the raindrops
 reflection in a bubble
 that will not pop
 I touch the window
 chase the raindrops
 they're like my tears
 they will not stop
 
 dull cloudy day
 don't go away
 you're how I'm feeling
 we look the same

 it didn't work
 let down again
 he's not who I thought he was
 but who feels all the pain

 I touch the window
 chase the raindrops
 reflection in a bubble
 that will not pop
 I touch the window
 chase the raindrops
 they're like my tears
 they will not stop

 is this the sunshine
 breaking through the cloud
 is this the hope I need
 to dry the raindrops out




 © copyright house all rights reserved

[onemanband]

Looks good to me Benjo

I can imagine some really interesting instrumentation choices for the

that will not pop

line.

dull cloudy day
 don't go away
 your how I'm feeling
 we look the same

The imagery is really strong throughout, I can vivdly picture her sat at the window staring out.

I can't help but want to know more about the person who inflicted the heart break. It would help the reader/listener to empathise with the protagonist at the moment she doesn't really garner much sympathy she just seems a little petulant.

Good luck.

[Royston]

This is a very nice write Benjo
The last four lines of the chorus stood out for me look forward to hearing a dark melody for this.

Good luck

Royston 

[Vintage54]

    Benjo,
        Iv'e seen the world, through the same window. Great chorus, and the 4 lines that follow, as "Oneman" said, are excellent. The final 4 lines, i would have gone with, "When will the sunshine, break through the clouds" etc. But, don't want to throw a spanner in a fine piece of work. If you feel that it's right, then it's right. Amen!
                         
                               Vintage54

[Paulski]

Hi Tony

Solid work here IMO. I loved the repetition of the hook in the chorus:

I touch the window
 chase the raindrops

There's a "your" that should be "you're" and a "their" or two that should be a "they're" but that's really nitting  .

Nice one!
Paul

[benjo]

 HEY GUYS

 ONEMANBAND,

 thanks so much for your feed back, so glad you like the lyric / story
 I see what you mean about the lover who caused the heart break
 but to be honest for me I want to concentrate on her and the her thoughts / feelings
 the reason being I think as long as it is clear that it is a break up / heart break
 I hope the mind will paint the picture of the other person
 that's what I aimed for anyway but if it didn't work that way for you
 then yes you are right I may look into that a great point well made thank you

 ROYSTON

 hey thank you so much really happy you enjoyed the lyric, means a lot

 VINTAGE54

 so glad you like the lyric / story in this, yeah the breaking of the sun in the last chorus
 is like imagine being down looking down in the window
 then suddenly seeing the sun break through or another guy to distract
 hope you know where I was going with it, but your thoughts are always taken on board
 thanks so much bud

 PAULSKI

 really happy you liked this paul your thoughts mean a lot to me
 and don't be sorry for pointing out my bad spelling I'm rubbish with the spelling
 it was done really fast though for the fawm challenge
 check it out again bud I hope I've corrected correctly
 thanks paul

             CHEERS GUYS

                    tony

[Paulski]

check it out again bud I hope I've corrected correctly
 thanks paul

The grammar police say "Looks Good!" 
BTW - I'd change the last word to "up" - it's close enough to rhyme with cloud in my book.

[benjo]

 HAHAHA HEY PAUL

 thanks so much bud

 I'm gonna stick with the last word as OUT
 maybe an English thing, but hey great advice
 and helpful as always


      CHEERS BUD

[Wicked Deeds]

Hi benjo,

Lovely first verse 'a painted picture, misty behind the rainfall'. Fine lyrics, start to finish!

Paul

[jamieF]

On first reading I didn't like this song, I felt very uncomfortable. Then I realised why, it was pushing certain buttons inside me that I don't like having pushed. Good lyrics make people feel things, this one did that to me, well done. I've been in the same place at differing times in my life and this made remember those times. Even if I didn't want to.
Power in those words.

[benjo]

 HEY GUYS

 WICKED DEEDS

 really happy you liked this one paul means a lot from you bud

 JAMIEF

 hey BIG WELCOME so sorry I pushed your buttons and brought up things you'd
 rather forget, but that's what I'm aiming for so I'm really happy it worked on you
 hope we're still friends hahaha thanks for your great feed back

      cheers guys

         tony

[jamieF]

No apology needed man, those lyrics did what you set out to do, well done. My internal issues are my problem and maybe I need to revisit how I deal with certain things. That can't ever be a bad thing, a little introspection is needed. See what power a song can have?
Still friends (a stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet anyway!), and thanks for the BIG WELCOME! 

[benjo]

 HEY JAMIE

 nice to hear that bud

   love the pic of you and your good lady

    tony

[hardtwistmusic]

Took me three different visits to this lyric before I really "got it" in terms of how it could sing.  When I finally figured out to change the tempo between the verses and the chorus, I managed to get a really dramatic cadence and it sang well. 

It's funny sometimes that good lyrics have to be sung or heard BEING sung to be fully appreciated.  This is a really good lyric... but I couldn't tell that until I figured out a way to sing it. 

[benjo]

 HEY GUYS

 HTM

 so glad you worked this lyric out and enjoyed it
 you are so right that you do need to understand it
 before you can accept it in its form and meaning
 thank you for some great feed back means a lot from you

           cheers verlon