[skogge]

Here´s a lyric in the little bit annoying genre of "song written to my child" that often become over the top cheesy and "Why the heck would someone have to listen to a song you wrote to YOUR child!!??"
So, does this have any value? Outside the realm of me and my, still much to young to get it, child?

Well here´s my contribution anyhow:


UNTITLED (Please, if you have suggestions for the title, just shoot...)

Close your eyes
and I will kiss you
Lie down
and I will give you my time
Throw your glove
and I ´ll return it
from now
until the end of time

There is not one truth
There is more to meet the eye
Soon you will understand

Look at me
and I will kiss you
Stand tall and I´ll
release your hand
Wave goodbye and
I will miss you
Your life becomes
the strangest land
 
There is not one truth
There is more to meet the eye
I hope you will understand

You will fill two spaces
at one moment in time
I will hold two worlds
in the back of my mind
Anything you do
will reflect on me
like the sun
in your mind
(like the sun)
and the moon
in your dreams.

Pick it all apart
and put it back again
Build your own song
Don´t put some bloody hate
where your heart belongs
it will make it go wrong

Learn to weep
and I will cry too
Your laughter
will fill up my eyes
This life
I know you´ll earn it
Time will tell
what you have to do

Pick it all apart
and put it back again
Build your own song
Don´t put some bloody hate
where your heart belongs
it will make it go wrong

[marcusmagnus22]

Hey

Nice lyrics and can see they mean something to you so that's nice to read. I think a good title would be 'I Will' - it's simple and ambiguous but captures the essence of the song nicely just a suggestion. Marcus

[skogge]

I will. Hmmm… nice suggestion. Did´nt see that one myself :-)

[PeeJay]

Hi,

I would call it 'sing your own song' which would mean changing that line.

Then it would serve as advice for your child to do his or her 'own thing' in life.

Nice one,

Phil.

[hardtwistmusic]

I read this before, and then came back to it after having a chance to think about it. 

My advice?  Don't TELL us this is about your child.  Knowing that prevents me from "inserting myself" into your lyric and making it my own.  When I deliberately excluded the knowledge that it was your child from my mind and read this on the second take, it took on a life that it lacked knowing it was your child it was about. 

Hope that makes sense.  This is about whatever the LISTENER hears, not about what you meant when you wrote it.  And there are a LOT of ways the listener could take this and make it "his/hers" instead of leaving it "yours." 

IN THIS CASE, It's a better song when the listener is free to decide for him/herself what it's really about.  That's just an opinion, but I'm convinced it's valid.   

[Paulski]

Hi
This is really good - reminded me of Stevie Wonder's "Isn't She Lovely" or whatever that was called..
I would call a spade a spade here: "Ode to My Little Girl"
Look 4ward to hearing it
Paul

[skogge]

I read this before, and then came back to it after having a chance to think about it. 

My advice?  Don't TELL us this is about your child.  Knowing that prevents me from "inserting myself" into your lyric and making it my own.  When I deliberately excluded the knowledge that it was your child from my mind and read this on the second take, it took on a life that it lacked knowing it was your child it was about. 

Hope that makes sense.  This is about whatever the LISTENER hears, not about what you meant when you wrote it.  And there are a LOT of ways the listener could take this and make it "his/hers" instead of leaving it "yours." 

IN THIS CASE, It's a better song when the listener is free to decide for him/herself what it's really about.  That's just an opinion, but I'm convinced it's valid.   

You are absolutely right and I agree to 100%. I wrote that information out since this forum mostly stipulates that I tell why and how and what about when I wrote this or that song. So I just stuck to that :-)

If you have the time, do tell what kind of "life on it´s own" it boiled down to for you. I am very interested. As for posting the finished song on other forums/platforms I would never imply anything about it´s origins as a song aimed towards this kid of mine

[hardtwistmusic]

If you have the time, do tell what kind of "life on it´s own" it boiled down to for you. I am very interested. As for posting the finished song on other forums/platforms I would never imply anything about it´s origins as a song aimed towards this kid of mine

My mind went to a forced separation between a man and a woman (not far from what you were intending when you think about it btw) but not necessarily lovers.   Just a painful forced separation.  Death never occurred to me.  My mind went to a painfully long, but not permanent separation.

If I were to have to choose a topical "reason" perhaps one or the other going off to war, or to prison. 

My mind really never went so far as to "provide" that level of detail, both would be consistent with the type of separation my mind perceived.   

[skogge]

Thanks so much for your thoughts! 

[Vintage54]

          Howdy!
             Does this have any value? plenty. Especially to you and the child that you so obviously adore. But also to the likes of me, and i don't have any children, but i got a beating heart. Did find a kitten on my doorstep one morning though, that must have been a drunken night. But back to the song. When i read the opening couplet, i can't get the Beatles song out of my head, and it's a little distracting when i scroll down. But maybe that's just me. Lots of songs out there from devoted Fathers, as you say. But most, even from the pen of established artists, in my opinion, are inferior to yours. So well done, and Lord protect the child.

                               Vintage54

[Matthew Hickman]

Hello, I have to say, these lyrics are amazing and I really would like to use them. I will give you 50% of the credit for the track (which is for the lyrics), and the other 50% is for the backing track.

Thank you,
/Matthew

[Alan Starkie]

Love these lyrics.

From the heart and I can relate to them 100% as I have young children too.

Everything you wrote is in every father's heart.

Well done.

Alan.

[Wicked Deeds]

Beautiful lyrics!  a song that has tremendous personal value and embodies a message of unconditional love.

Well done!

[skogge]

Hello, I have to say, these lyrics are amazing and I really would like to use them. I will give you 50% of the credit for the track (which is for the lyrics), and the other 50% is for the backing track.

Thank you,
/Matthew

Thank you for your kind words. I have already written a song to go with these words. It is fairly done but production wise I have a lot (a LOT) to do before it can be presented to the world.) Dunno if two songs can share the same melody but I guess in these times everything is possible. Someone asked me the same thing ´bout another lyric a couple of years back and then I said yes but nothing came out of it. If you want to use it for personal/amateur reasons I say "go ahead". If you are a recording artist I guess I must know more about future implications :-) Send me a PM if you want.

Love these lyrics.

From the heart and I can relate to them 100% as I have young children too.

Everything you wrote is in every father's heart.

Well done.

Alan.

Thanks Alan. Warms my heart

Beautiful lyrics!  a song that has tremendous personal value and embodies a message of unconditional love.

Well done!

And a big hug to you, Mr Deeds