[Paulski]

This is likely going to be a country song - been listening to (the late great) George Jones lately.
It's a bit cliché - maybe too much so?
Any and all advice is welcome
cheers

Paul

One Too Many
Copyright 2015 Tennyson Road Music

{vs}
The patrons in the bar were starting to get blurred
My waitress thinking hard about showing me the door
She said "I called a cab, he's right outside"
"You've had one too many - you should call this night a night"

{pre}
The taxi ride home gave me time to think
And I realised she had it right about one thing

{ch}
I've had one too many heartaches
Heard one too many lies
Spent one too many 2 a.m.'s
Where I've laid awake and cried
One too many teardrops have
Fallen from my eyes
And love has disappeared on me
One too many times

We pulled up to my townhouse, not a light inside was lit
I got out and thanked the driver - .. I might have left a tip
This house is just a place now, not a home
And I've got to learn to face this life of living on my own

Soon I've got Jack Daniels in my hand
And all too often he's my only friend

I've had one too many heartaches
One too many lies
One too many 2 a.m.'s
I've laid awake and cried
I've come up empty-handed
While reaching for the light
And love has left me stranded here
One too many times

{br}
I only blame myself for all this hurt
And I know I wrote the book on good excuses
But when I'm added to the mix in this big world
I'm the first one to admit
That it has one too many losers

One too many heartaches
One too many lies
One too many 2 a.m.'s
I break down - I can't lie
Like an oak tree falling victim
To a cruel lightning strike
Love has split this heart in two
One too many times

Yeah this mighty oak fell victim
To those cruel lightning strikes
And love has split my heart in two
One too many times

[jamieF]

Good god almighty, I love it. The chorus just nailed it. I love Country (not so much the modern stuff) and this is spot on. It's in the same vein as "Heartaches By The Number" by Howard Harlan, one of my favorites. Great lyrics, now get out there and buy yourself a pedal steel.

[tomcrocus]

Hello paul,
               i loved it,the chorus is spot on,
                                                         well done,tom.

[Paulski]

@jamieF  and @tomcrocus

Thanks for the positive comments guys, and Jamie yeah I remember Heartaches By The Number - I used to sing it around the campfire years ago.

cheers
Paul

[Arkwright]

Hey Paulski... Another great write.

The chorus is outstanding, but I'm struggling with the verses a little. To be more precise, I'm struggling with the first verse in particular. I just can't seem to get it to flow and I'm kind of stumbling over the words. Maybe it's just my old age and my brain doesn't compute as well as it once did.

Look forward to hearing it set to music.

[hardtwistmusic]

Absolutely BRILLIANT chorus.  Says soooo much in so few words.  And it sings well immediately. 

The verses do their job - which is to "set up" the chorus.  The chorus is the guts of the song.  When you put music to this, I'd suggest spending whatever time is involved in making the chorus accompaniment perfect. 

It DOES take a long time to get to the chorus.  I don't agree that doing so is a problem.  The story has to be important enough to tell and "set up" before you get to the chorus.  If attentions spans won't allow some to appreciate a song... my opinion is that the "short attention span listeners" can't be allowed their "tyranny of the majority" by songwriters.  Sometimes you have to write a song that tells the story artistically instead of just placating the "lowest common denominator" amongst those who experience the art. 

[PeeJay]

Hi Paul,

This is a good write. I like a drinking song.

I thought it has a strong chorus that brings the verses together well.

I don't know about cliche as everything is in one way or another.  So keep banging them out!

Nice one,

Phil.

[Paulski]

@Arkwright

Thanks for the kind words - yeah the verses are written to a melody I have in my head right now and may not flow too well when read. In fact I might change my tune and simplify those verses when it comes time to record this.

@HTM

Cheers for the nice comments on the chorus. My rule of thumb is - get to the chorus by 60 secs in, and I think this meets that reqt hopefully. However there are always exceptions. George Jones' hit "He Stopped Loving Her Today" took almost 2 mins to cut to the chase and is still an amazing song.

@PeeJay

Thanks Phil - means a lot from you. One man's cliché is another man's gold