[hardtwistmusic]

Not sure if I like this myself or not.  

I clearly had higher expectations for it when I started. . . but it could be I'm just disappointed that it changed so much from concept to deliver.  This started out wanting to be a "Scarborough Faire" kind of song. . . and it really didn't end up that way.  Should have known better than to have a preconceived notion of what I wanted it to go.  

Any input is valuable in this situation.  

                       PAPRIKA AND QUEEN ANNE'S LACE

Paprika and Queen Anne’s Lace.   The tears are streaming down my face.  
My true love’s coming home to me.   I taste the love I can't yet see.  

Parsley Sage and Oregano.     Such sadness when she had to go.  
Circumstance took her away.   It brings her back to me today.  

Bitteroot dries in the back.  And pepper, red, and white and black.    
This kitchen's where we cooked up love.  I smell her perfume taste her presence yet.  

Her apron hangs where she left it then.   Our Her Kitchen waits for her return.  
Fully stocked and ready for what she might cook or burn.    
Cumin, Dill and Curry Leaf.  Renewed as they require.  
So when she’s back On her return, she’d step right in and cook what she’d desire.    


Marjoram and Star Anise.  Chicory and Chives.  
Such joy this kitchen brought to two inconsequential lives.

Gourmet pretenses we had none.  Nor complicated tools.  
Just passion for the experiment.  We both were cooking fools.    

The love was sheer incredible. . . the food sometimes inedible.  
But nothing was regrettable.  All love and life and fun.

Her apron hangs where she left it then.   Our Her Kitchen waits for her return.  
Fully stocked and ready for what she might cook or burn.    
Cumin, Dill and Curry Leaf.  Renewed as they require.  
On her return, she’d step right in and cook what she’d desire.    

Paprika and Queen Anne’s Lace.   The tears are streaming down my face.  
My true love’s coming home to me.   I taste the love I can't yet see.

Parsley Sage and Oregano.     Such sadness when she had to go.  
Circumstance took her away.   It brings her back to me today.  

Thin brown sticks of Cinnamon remind me she’s the only one.  
Who loved me truly, deep and sure.   and Wednesday, they will bury her.

And Wednesday, they will bury her.  

[CaliaMoko]

Some ideas...maybe....

Paprika and Queen Anne’s Lace.   The tears are streaming down my face. 
My true love’s coming home to me.   Never more to roam you see.   (don’t like this line)

Some possible rhymes for "see" that could give you some ideas:
free
flee
quay
reverie
key

How about "But it's too late to set me free"??

No gourmet pretense for she and I.  Nor complicated tools. 
Just passion for the experiment.  We both were cooking fools. (don't like THAT line either) 

Any reason you can't say "No gourmet pretense for the two of us"? The words "she" and "I" are both grammatically incorrect (you wouldn't say "No gourmet pretense for she" or "No gourmet pretense for I") and feel awkward to me, as a result.

Then for the "tools" rhyme...let me see. First, what about "experience" instead of "experiment" and make the line something like "Just passion for the experience; no following any rules". Maybe???

And then there's:
Little we would try to cook turned out except our love.
In spite of our ineptitude, this kitchen stood above (don't like THAT line either)  .

Hmmm...maybe you could use a near rhyme like tough, rough, shove enough. Like, "In spite of our ineptitude, we always had enough." ??

Some ideas for you to kick around, anyway. Hope you find something here that gives you a spark of inspiration.

Vicki

[Paulski]

Hi Verlon

Good start, this - great theme - reminded me of S&G parsley sage and thyme...

Not much advice to offer - maybe this line:

So when she’s back she’ll step right in and cook what she desires.

I like the "cooking fools" line   (providing you aren't really cooking the fools  )

In fact, I think there should be more of "both of you liking/owning the kitchen" - IMO it would come across less (I'm not going to say) old school/sexist  

Paul

[hardtwistmusic]

Some ideas...maybe....

No gourmet pretense for she and I.  Nor complicated tools. 
Just passion for the experiment.  We both were cooking fools. (don't like THAT line either) 

Any reason you can't say "No gourmet pretense for the two of us"? The words "she" and "I" are both grammatically incorrect (you wouldn't say "No gourmet pretense for she" or "No gourmet pretense for I") and feel awkward to me, as a result.

I've begun to work on this with your suggestions in mind.  Let me know if it's getting better. 

No gourmet pretense for she and I.  Nor complicated tools. 
Just passion for the experiment.  We both were cooking fools. (don't like THAT line either) 

I modified that line.  Take a look if you get time and let me know if it's better. 

[hardtwistmusic]

Hi Verlon

Good start, this - great theme - reminded me of S&G parsley sage and thyme...

Not much advice to offer - maybe this line:

So when she’s back she’ll step right in and cook what she desires.

I like the "cooking fools" line   (providing you aren't really cooking the fools  )

In fact, I think there should be more of "both of you liking/owning the kitchen" - IMO it would come across less (I'm not going to say) old school/sexist  

Paul

So when she’s back she’ll step right in and cook what she desires.   

Problem with "She'll" is that (although it's not yet revealed at this stage, she's dead.  "She will" is misleading in an unfair way.  That's why I had to go with "she'd".  To say "she would" refers back to the intent before her death, and isn't inaccurate.  It's a small thing. . . but I agonized over it before deciding on "she'd." 

I like the "cooking fools" line   (providing you aren't really cooking the fools  )

I originally used the "cooking fools" line as a place holder.  I've grown to like it. . . and am even considering using it as the title.

Thank you for the input and help.

[CaliaMoko]

Some ideas...maybe....

No gourmet pretense for she and I.  Nor complicated tools. 
Just passion for the experiment.  We both were cooking fools. (don't like THAT line either) 

Any reason you can't say "No gourmet pretense for the two of us"? The words "she" and "I" are both grammatically incorrect (you wouldn't say "No gourmet pretense for she" or "No gourmet pretense for I") and feel awkward to me, as a result.

I've begun to work on this with your suggestions in mind.  Let me know if it's getting better. 

No gourmet pretense for she and I.  Nor complicated tools. 
Just passion for the experiment.  We both were cooking fools. (don't like THAT line either) 

I modified that line.  Take a look if you get time and let me know if it's better. 

Oh, yeah, I like that quite a bit better. Smoother approach altogether, I think. Nice!

[Vintage54]

   Hi Verlon,
      Man i like this, it's clever wordplay. First line reminds me of Dylan from blood on the tracks. "Purple clover, queen anne lace, crimson hair across your face" Know the song? How about,"My true love's coming home to me, i taste the love that i can't See" Just a suggestion for your digestion. The cooking fools line, leave it man, it's bang on the money.

                      Great stuff
                           vintage54

[hardtwistmusic]

   Hi Verlon,
      Man i like this, it's clever wordplay. First line reminds me of Dylan from blood on the tracks. "Purple clover, queen anne lace, crimson hair across your face" Know the song? How about,"My true love's coming home to me, i taste the love that i can't See" Just a suggestion for your digestion. The cooking fools line, leave it man, it's bang on the money.

                      Great stuff
                           vintage54

Wasn't familiar with Dylan's song or line.  But it's pure gold. 

and your suggested "I taste the love that I can't see" is gold also.  I'll use it with thanks. 

[tomcrocus]

Go easy on yourself Verlon,i think this is great,i love the rhyme
schemes and the clever play on words.
That's a cracking line from Vintage,
                                                regards,Tom.