Hey, McHab!
I don't mind going through your lyric and providing some feedback in the form of my opinions. Here's a sample using your Verse 1:
Look that pretty face, all sweet and shy This line works for me as is
Look at that smile, that blinded light I don't understand "that blinded light". Are you intending to say the smile flashes with a blinding light? Or something like that? If so, you might want to work on it a little bit, maybe something like "And that shining smile, a blinding light", although I'm sure there's a better option out there somewhere
Forget what you see and listen I don't get this, either. The first two lines have just said to "look" and suddenly the listener is instructed to "forget what you see". Why? And is the intent of the line to say to forget what you say and what you hear? Or is it to forget what you see in order to listen to something, to hear something? As written, I would take it to mean I should forget what I see and I should listen (to something). But if so, to what should I listen? The next part doesn't tell me.
So that's my response to your first verse. I'm kind of holding back on getting too carried away, because I'm hoping to see some evidence that you're getting involved in forum life in a well-rounded manner. Have you read the guidelines yet? We do follow them, so I recommend checking them out. I haven't seen any reviews from you so far. You don't need to review anything of mine, in particular, but I would like to see that you're "giving back" at least equal to what you want to get. As other users will confirm, you'll find you get more responses to your postings if you review works by others.
I hope my comments on your first verse are helpful. Feel free to ask for clarification on any of those points, if you wish.
Sincerely,
Vicki
