My dad wrote songs when I was a kid, and my grandmother wrote poems, so writing never seemed strange or exotic to me. Once I picked up the guitar, it wasn't long before songs started to emerge. I didn't really take it seriously until I got to about 17 or so. Some quality songwriting caught my ear, and I thought to myself 'maybe I could do that'.
So I started writing with a bit more purpose, but never really thought of doing anything with it. Fast forward another couple of years and I found myself in a band with a record deal offer. In a strange twist, none of my songs made it into the band because the singer/ songwriter's ego was too fragile and over-inflated to let them in. But that experience did give me the confidence that maybe I was a good enough musician to let myself take it a bit more seriously.
After I walked away from that band, I focused on writing, having realised I wasn't cut out for life on the road, I didn't really know what I could do with my songs once written, so I just sort of kept them to myself, or played them to a few friends from time to time.
But I'd always wanted to make a proper studio album - to see if my songs would stand up to the scrutiny of proper record-making. So when I hit my mid 30s I realised it was now (then) or never. I pulled my socks up and hit the open mic scene, trying my songs out in front of strangers in earnest for the first time. This motivated me to write a whole load of new songs, more suited to that kind of environment, and I think more suited to being recorded.
So I made the record. And I think the songs survived. But I still write. Why did I start writing? It was something interesting to do. Why do I still write? Because I think I might be good at it, and it feels good to be good at something. And because I get to say things I can't say any other way. And because writing a song is the best feeling I know. And because I bloody love hearing a good new song for the first time - written by anyone - and the joy of listening to it over and over, getting to know it. Maybe someone will have that experience with one of my songs.
Why do I produce? Because I can't afford to use a real producer all the time, and I want my songs to sound good
- that was the reason to begin with, but now I actually like doing it. It's much more rewarding than I ever thought it would be, and I can't believe I put off learning it for so long, thinking it would take away some of the magic.
Did I answer the question? I love writing, but it doesn't come as easily as I want it to. If I read that Bukowski poem on writing, I feel like the biggest fraud because I don't usually
have to write. I just really
want to.