[Louis]

Hey, my second batch of lyrics in 2 days (I don't know if I'm allowed to post this many, if I'm not give me the shout and I'll remove ) I said I was going to write a lot more frequently!

This one's chorus popped up in my head when I was watching the voice, not a clue why, but it just happened, so I put pen to paper and this is what popped out!

I added some chords so you can see the idea I was trying to go for, and if you wanted to see how it sounds, I was doing a fairly upbeat picking pattern, until the bridge where it slows and is sang nice and slow:)

EDIT: Removed the chords as they just confused people :p
EDIT #2: Changed the explicit words - Thanks GTB

Please note: At some places it may seem like the lyrics wouldn't fit into the line, but they do, just got to sing very very quickly or slowly - which I love to do anyway

Any criticism would be appreciated!

Verse 1

I heard he messed with your head
Chose somebody else instead
I heard he wasted your time
The time for loving, turned out that you're being mislead

Verse 2

I heard he messed with your mind
You took a knife in the back from behind
I heard you're not want he wants your
not what he needs so he left you alone to just die

Pre Chorus

But I ain't like that I'll help you fight back
I'll give you all that you need

Chorus

Cause I wanna be with you
I wanna see like you
So come on and let me through
Now tell  me that you want me too

I wanna be with you
I wanna see like you
So come on let me through
And tell me that you want me too

Verse 2

I heard he messed with your soul
Left you alone in a hole
I heard he threw you to the start
from tip to toe, your body is cold, took the love out of your heart

Verse 3
I heard he messed with your personality
he tried to make you see your darker side

Pre Chorus
But I ain't like that, I'll help you fight back
I'll give you all that you need

Bridge
                                
Because I heard he messed with your heart        
I heard that he tore you apart
And now listen to me, a cup of tea if you're willing to try and restart

Chorus

Cause I wanna be with you
I wanna see like you
So come on and let me through
Now tell me that you want me too

I wanna be with you
I wanna see like you
So come on and let me through
And tell me that you want me too

[Louis]

Small bump would really like some feedback on this one

Oops...quoted ed sheeran...

[BooBoo]

Just to start off most people post one song a week but live only posted two songs so it's not like you have flooded the forum. I would just wait maybe a week now until you post again.

The song its self seems good but I got confused because of the chords (I can't play guitar either so confused me even more haha). The only thing I would say is to keep an eye out for the length of your verses. Try and make them the same!

[Louis]

Hi Beth

Thanks for the feedback!

Next time maybe I'll leave the chords out, I just put them so people would have an idea of what it sounds like, but if you can't play guitar that's pointless I guess :p

I see your point with keeping the verses the same length too, I guess I ran out of ideas to put down at that point, I'll probably adjust it tonight:)

I won't post until at least a week now, probably a good idea to work with my ideas then post when I'm really happy with it:)

Thanks again for the feedback:)

- Louis

[benjo]

hi louis,

nice piece i to don't play guitar so that always puts me off
but what you can do is post it how you have, then post it again in a reply
cause it is good for those who do play guitar to get the feel
anyway nice raw work man take care tony...

[Louis]

Hi Benjo!

Thanks for your feedback

I'm going to remove the chords, as it seems a lot of people don't play guitar on here and it's just making it confusing to review

[GTB]

Hi Louis, it looks like you have a good song here but I have to say I would prefer if you replaced all those 'f' words - I'm not a prude but you might put off a lot of people with that.  Besides, stuff like that has a bigger impact if used only when least expected. 
It looks like the singer is trying to get someone 'on the rebound' :-)
I agree about leaving out the chords - I now take mine out to improve readability
GTB

[Louis]

Hi GTB,

I was considering whether to change the 'f' words to something like 'messed', I decided to leave it and see if anybody picked up on it and now you have I think I probably will change it up

On a second note, it's not solely about trying to get someone 'on the rebound'. This one is about how girls always pick the prick as you may say, and that there's always someone there who would do anything for them, but they don't see them, and get their hearts broken every time:)

Thanks for your feedback