[phamhien82]

Hi everyone, this is Hien from VietNam. For I'm not a native English speaker, so I wrote this song based on a Poem of Angel Towe about ABORTIONS. I really want to hear your honest advices to learn from all of you. Thanks and have a nice day !

Verse 1:
Tomorrow I am going to die , But yet I haven't been born. My mother shows no sorrow, For I am a thing of love torn.

Verse 2 :
( I will ) never see the light of day, ( I will ) never smell a flower. ( I will ) never walk along a water's bay, Or feel the drop of an Aprils shower.

Verse 3 :
Tomorrow I am going to die , But yet no one knows my name. ( I will ) never see daddy's face , For I have no family.

Chorus:
It hurts for no one will show me love, I will never be hugged or be kissed. When I have gone to the heaven, I wonder if I will be missed. Today is my last day to live, my last breath.

Bridge :
It hurts for no one show me I will be loved. It hurts for no one show me I will be missed . No tomorrow !

[massa]

I wrote you a reply and looking back I think it was quite 'snippy' so I would like to apologise. I was wrong to suggest writing about a cheerier subject, and I hope that Abortion is not a subject that is personal to you, and if it is, then my thoughts are with what you are going through, and I cannot even begin to comprehend your sadness.

[TNMC]

Hello, Hien, and thank you for letting us hear your song. When I read the words I was expecting to hear a sad or very serious sounding melody, but I was quite surprised to hear how you have actually interpreted it. This is only my opinion, but I'm not sure that you can deliver the meaning of the song very powerfully with this kind of tune. Maybe you could try using minor guitar chords and a melody to match? I feel that you are trying to elicit sympathy for the unborn child in the song by stirring the listener's emotions, but at the moment it lacks the power to do that.

Andy from Neverwas 

[phamhien82]

Thanks Massa and TNMC, your advices are very meaningful to me !

[Mellowh]

Sorry video came up as private and wouldn't play, am i doing something wrong?

[phamhien82]

Sorry Mellowh. My video is not good, so I decided to close it and make another better one. Thank you.