[AJ1443]

So Not Over You

I’m so not over you,
Even when I know you don’t feel the same way too,
I’m going crazy inside,
It’s something I know I can’t hide.

When we met I felt so in love,
I didn’t know you would change,
I now can’t stand you,
seeing your picture feels so strange.

I’m so not over you,
Even when I know you don’t feel the same way too,
I’m going crazy inside,
It’s something I know I can’t hide.

I felt so tearful,
the day we broke up,
But now I know it’s ok,
Coz I’m no fool.

I’m so not over you,
Even when I know you don’t feel the same way too,
I’m going crazy inside,
It’s something I know I can’t hide.

I know it's not finished, but hopefully you guys can give me a few ideas on what to add

[massa]

are you a teenage girl?

[tone]

are you a teenage girl?

I don't think the age or gender of the writer is important personally.

I think this song is a good effort, but it suffers from a lack of emotional vocabulary. For example the line 'When we met I felt so in love' doesn't say very much because 'in love' doesn't come anywhere near to expressing how love feels. I think it would work better if you said something like 'I walked on water when I met you' or something that expresses the extraordinary elation of those first blooms of love in a new relationship.
The same goes for 'I felt so tearful' - it would be more powerful to say 'I cried an ocean' or 'I bathed in tears' - you get the picture by now I expect?

It has the beginnings of something good, but I think it has room for improvement. Thanks for sharing

[massa]

are you a teenage girl?

I don't think the age or gender of the writer is important personally.

I don't think it's important either. I mean whether or not the writer is a teenage girl or not will not affect me getting out of bed tomorrow, or even what pumps I'll wear. However, I was merely asking as this is the vibe I get from the song and I wanted to know if the context is correct. If the writer is on a par in life with say Miley Cyrus this is a good start. If the writer is on a par in life with Alison Moyet this is bad.

[tone]

I don't think it's important either. I mean whether or not the writer is a teenage girl or not will not affect me getting out of bed tomorrow, or even what pumps I'll wear. However, I was merely asking as this is the vibe I get from the song and I wanted to know if the context is correct. If the writer is on a par in life with say Miley Cyrus this is a good start. If the writer is on a par in life with Alison Moyet this is bad.

I understand where you're coming from, and why you ask, but I think it's a good policy to respond to every song from an honest and constructive place. Of course, a 13 year old's songs probably won't be as good as a 30 year old's and it's ok to say that.

However, I do think it's important to qualify your opinions whether good or bad. It's good for the poster, and it's good for us as songwriters to analyse why we think something is good or bad or average, and be able to say why.

Peace

[massa]

Yes! I agree. Some in depth reviews. Ok.

"I felt so tearful,
the day we broke up,
But now I know it’s ok,
Coz I’m no fool."

To me this looks like a middle 8. You seem to be missing a verse after the first chorus. From how I read it you would end with the 'fool' as a hang or an imperfect cadence.

Your song seems to be following the form: B A B C B (where B is your chorus, A your verse and C your middle .

The choice to start with the chorus is not one I'd do personally, but my songs are different to yours, and your poppy song may suit that. So you need a form that is B A B A C B. At the moment you are missing the second A.

Some of the lyrics are weak. A lot of questions are left unanswered, such as why do you suddenly know now it's ok? Try to invoke some imagery. So much is left unexplained in the story. Why did you break up?

Again back to this, this bit is just begging a twist to it: I rewrote your middle 8 to show how easy it is to put some images in someones mind.

"I felt so tearful,
the day we broke up,
But now I know it’s ok,
Coz I’m no fool."

BECOMES -

"I've got pages in my diary stained with tears from our break up,
My Facebook photos show mascara trails down my make up 
But now I forgive you, I didn't think I'd ever be ok,
Like at the time I didn't guess you could be gay."

I hope this helped? 

[massa]

Hi Amy. I see from your Introduction that you are 15. So I was right with the Miley Cyrus, teeny-pop vibe from your lyrics. I apologise if you loathe her. From where you're at in your life, this is a good start. I might have been a bit confusing with terminology there, but a middle 8 falls before your last chorus normally. I'm sure if you listen to any pop song you will pick it out. With practice and prefection I'm sure you will be a polished songwriter before long.

[heaven086]

i feel these lyrics man there really well written and send a message that has a lot of truth behind them!

all i can say is well done i want to hear these in mix though