[Cameron F]

This really was my first ever effort at songwriting that I wrote on demand really for my music GCSE a couple of months ago, but I just found it and thought  'lets see what everyone thinks' so yeah, feedback is much appreciated. Cheers.

Verse 1
Oh, it’s alright, I’ll take you to my light
Why don’t you come to mine for tea?
‘Cos livings easy, but only when you close your eyes,
We’ll have lasagne, you and me

Verse 2
And when you open your eyes, everything has changed
Will it ever be the same?
‘Cos sunshine, it follows thunder, how d’you feel inside
Do you feel like you cannot shine?

Pre – Chorus

D’you feel like you never, know if you’re okay?
You go on anyway
But soon come tomorrow
‘Cos I’ve hated today
 
Chorus
You, cannot say, you don’t wanna drive away
To, to find a better day for…
You, cannot say, you don’t wanna drive away,
To, to find a better day for you

[diademgrove]

Hi CF,

I quite like the words but your influences shine through. Definitely Maybe and the Beatles. I wouldn't worry though, both Noel Gallagher and The Beatles nicked stuff. You just have to learn to hide your influences better.

I hope this doesn't put you off and you continue to write. The more songs you write the better you'll get.

diadem

[Cameron F]

Hi CF,

I quite like the words but your influences shine through. Definitely Maybe and the Beatles. I wouldn't worry though, both Noel Gallagher and The Beatles nicked stuff. You just have to learn to hide your influences better.

I hope this doesn't put you off and you continue to write. The more songs you write the better you'll get.

diadem

Haha I thought my influences might've been a bit blatant, I think that's because I was listening to all the music I love and there isn't much emotion in this song and no true meaning so I was just writing what was in my head. Thanks for the feedback.

[diademgrove]

Hi CF,

I quite like the words but your influences shine through. Definitely Maybe and the Beatles. I wouldn't worry though, both Noel Gallagher and The Beatles nicked stuff. You just have to learn to hide your influences better.

I hope this doesn't put you off and you continue to write. The more songs you write the better you'll get.

diadem

Haha I thought my influences might've been a bit blatant, I think that's because I was listening to all the music I love and there isn't much emotion in this song and no true meaning so I was just writing what was in my head. Thanks for the feedback.

You have a story though, does somebody feel the same as you, are they prepared to come for tea, could she be your one true love. Map out what you want to say in the verses and the chorus and rewrite it without using well know ideas from other songs. So no lasagne or living is easy with eyes closed.

If you feel like it you could rewrite the song to hide the influences. The practice will improve your skills as a lyric writer.

diadem