Hi Gary,
I really like these lyrics, don't know why I've missed them before now.
I've a few suggestions.
I'd use the past tense in the first verse "dreams came to die". Sounds more final to me, no dreams left.
I'm not sure you mean to say "Till I gets" rather than "Till it gets". If its "it" then you could have "You finally see a star", which I think sounds better. But I think "Tell I gets" opens up a more interesting world. One that demands something different from "You finally find a star". Not sure what.
I don't like "I smashed my guitar along with my hope". I feel it narrows the song to just guitar players. Something more universal may be "I sold my motor car along with my hope". Paints the picture that you've sold everything to pay for drugs.
After painting a picture of drug abuse cigarettes doesn't really work for me. Better would be "Nothing comes between me and Charlie", which would mean rewriting the line before.
I'd start the bridge (?) with "Hatred is as meaningless as love" followed by I've fucked up on pills, etc.
After all that I may seem critical. I really like your words but feel some of the lines undermine the mood created by the first verse.
Feel free to ignore me if you disagree.
diadem
