[Peppermint]

Rewritten lower down the page 

Hey everyone,

Here is a little song I'm currently writing.
It's a story about a young soldier from the second world war who went off to war but had trouble realizing when the war was over when it ended.

hopefully the song will explain this a little more as you read through it.
As of yet its still unfinished.

Peppermint

The Little Soldier

 V1
He woke up in the morning,
And put his boots upon his feet,
He's the bravest little soldier,
you could ever wish to meet.
V2
But back in the year of 45,
The only mission on his mind was to stay alive,
And to never admit defeat,
Even with all the blisters upon his feet,

V3
So he put a loaded gun into his hand,
thinking it was time for him to make his stand,
But he didn't realize the war was over,
Even after his comrades talked it over.
 
C
Go to sleep,
now little soldier,
Your war is over,
The battles complete.

To our small town,
You'll always be a hero,

[Paulski]

Hey Peppermint

Yeah - great start. That'll be a killer chorus when you're done I can sense it.
I think the verses could use some work to make them work rhymically. Right now the lines are different in syllable count and didn't flow like the chorus.

Great concept - can't wait to see the finished product!
Paul

[GTB]

Hi peppermint, you need to finish this! What happens? Who did he shoot? Himself? You can't leave us all hanging!

[benjo]

 LIKE IT

 you are onto something here
 this has a lovely feel and story
 the only thing that stood out to me was
 
 HE PUT A GUN INTO HIS HAND          i think it should be THEY

 THEY PUT A GUN INTO HIS HAND

 just me really enjoyed this

              GOOD WRITE

[Peppermint]

Hey everyone,

Thanks for the reviews.
In the end i decided to have a total rewrite of this.

Its now about a young lad who has been called to goto war.
It begins with him getting himself ready to head off to war.
at first he's happy to go but he changes his mind and decides he doesn't want to go.
but in the end he decides to go.

Hope you like it although its still unfinished and still needs a few tweeks here and there to make it flow a little better.
peppermint  
 
The Little soldier

V1
He woke up in the morning
Put his boots upon his feet,
Took one last glance of the world he knew,
That surrounds his suburban street,

Then a neighbor came over to see him,
Told him what a brave man he'd become,
Cause he knew that by this time tomorrow,
he'd be on the battlefield with a loaded gun,

V2
as he headed into town to go off to war,
He reads the names of the soldiers the town had lost before,
Not wanting to become a statistic,
He decides its best not to risk it,

So he heads into the local forest,
And finds an area for himself to cry,
He sat there for several hours,
Hoping that the war would pass on by,

PC
But as the day slowly turned to night,
And the forest started loosing light,
He realized the war would soon be over,
And placed his rucksack on his shoulder.

C
And so he heads to war,
Cause he's the bravest little soldier,

[Bleedin Boy]

I like this, it does a good job of capturing how sad war can be. Structurally it flows well too.