Psychosis

[Dan]

I'm not really a fan of hard rock or metal at all, but theres a few tunes i really love in those genres and I thought as a creative exercise it would be interesting get out of my comfort zone and try to write a track in that style. I was trying to add some brass halfway through in the style of Alice Coopers Elected but I couldnt get it to work - and it didnt feel like a "pure" heavy rock track if i added that as its somewhat of a novelty on coopers track.

Waddya think?

Psychosis

when i stare in the mirror,
is someone watching me?
The voice in my head is mocking me,
are my thoughts my own
or is someone tricking me?
my mind when i sleep demons haunting me.

I want to live
but i cant forgive
wont you hear my plea
i just want to be free

reality is starting to unwind
i think i am losing my mind

The tv seems to want to talk to me
it shows me things that only i can see
hidden messages and secrets
That hold the key
And i cant tell the truth from fantasy

reality is starting to unwind
i think i am losing my mind

get a grip on yourself
get a grip on yourself

reality is starting to unwind
i think i am losing my mind

Help me somebody help me
somebody help me
Help me somebody help me
somebody help

https://youtu.be/NBdbm96Aq20?si=dRGRfn0GyPtTh7q2

[Vicki]

First, I read through the lyric. Without hearing how you've set it to music, I have some thoughts. Your message appears to be a person in crisis (or maybe s/he always feels that way). With that in mind, my recommendation is to give it a more urgent feel by using fewer words. For instance:

reality is starting to unwind
i think i am losing my mind

could become

reality starts to unwind
ahhh, losing my mind

Now, I'll listen....

The music does have a frenetic feel to it. I can hear that fewer words would work in some places, such as the one I demonstrated above. A contrasting idea would be to crowd in MORE words, make it really busy to illustrate a feeling of desperation.

I'm an amateur at production, so take these suggestions with a bigger grain of salt than those above. I'm no expert on heavy metal or hard rock, but I wonder if some (or maybe a lot) of fuzzy or distorted guitar would help? Maybe cymbal crashes. Louder, unrelenting, driving bass. Just some thoughts.

I admire trying to get out of your comfort zone. I have been trying to break out of the sixties folky sound for years, to no avail.

I hope you get at least a little help from this...
Vicki

[Dan]

Yeah, I was fiddling around with the wording of the chorus. Maybe just "starts" rather than "is starting" would be better. Thanks for the super quick response.

[Dan]

So I've tweaked the chorus. I'm pretty much happy with the rest as it stands. I tried adding strings and brass but couldn't get it to fit. On reflection I think I might if been over egging it anyway.

https://youtu.be/7otGAojaDr0?si=9p2d_CTjH53r2wAH

[icystorm]

@Dan -- That's a wild and mesmerizing song, man! Your updates improved the track. This type of spirited, hypnotic song would play well in the House of Mirrors or the carnival house with strobe lights and spinning kaleidoscopes that give people seizures. Remember the Pokemon seizure scene from the late 90s? I never watched Pokemon, and I barely even know about it, but the seizure episode was all over the news after scores of people in Japan were rushed to the ER after watching that episode and having seizures.

Cheers,
Joseph