[Nick Ryder]

Hello, forum friends.

Here's a song I am trying to get over the line. Please excuse the rough mix. Looking for feedback on any changes, additions before I finish it off



He dreams of lazy mornings
When the kids are still in bed
And his wife is making breakfast
But its all just in his head

She gets the train on Mondays
And it takes her to the edge
Of the universe he came from
But that’s not what he said

We sometimes wonder, and we change the rules,
But they’re never broken then its, back to school
We leave the dishes, until they break the sink
There are no plates to eat from
Guess its time to think, there’s a missing link,
Guess its time to have another drink

She gets the bus on Tuesdays, into the heart of town
And the drivers always cheerful, she’s never seen him frown

He loves the park on Fridays
And he goes there for a smoke
But the pigeons eat the butt ends, ‘till they start to choke

We sometimes wonder, and we change the rules,
But they’re never broken then its, back to school
We leave the dishes, until they break the sink
There are no plates to eat from
Guess its time to think, there’s a missing link,
Guess its time to have another drink

And now we see, the world and how life’s really meant to be
 
There’s nobody there at the end of the phone
The kids have gown up and you’re all on your own
There is a draft at the top of the stairs
And no-one remembers your birthday or cares

And so the lights are fading
We watch see all go out
As the driver pulls up in the station,
Smiles and then clocks out

We sometimes wonder, and we change the rules,
But they’re never broken then its, back to school
We leave the dishes, until they break the sink
There are no plates to eat from
Guess its time to think, there’s a missing link,
Guess its time to have another drink

[icystorm]

@Nick Ryder

Hi Nick,

The song sounds radio-ready to my ears. The instrumentation, lead vocals, backing vocals, arrangement, lyrics, and mix are very good. Upon listening twice, I did not hear anything that would warrant a change, and I can't think of anything that merits a change. I think you have a winner! Nice work! 

Cheers,
Joseph

[Nick Ryder]

Thank you, @icystorm

I think it is almost there but I have been playing around with some incidental guitar lines since I posted this version. I also wonder whether the chorus sections would benefit from a tambourine?

Thanks for listening

[pompeyjazz]

It’s another perfect slice of Indie Pop @Nick Ryder I got touches of “Taxman” on the intro but what the hell. There is a kind of Squeeze vibe to this number which is right up my street. Some clever stop / start stuff that fits the formula. I wouldn’t change too much tbh but a tambourine like you say always gives a chorus a bit of a lift. Excellent work as usual

[icystorm]

You're welcome! Try it with and without a tambourine. See which version you prefer.

Cheers,
Joseph

[PaulAds]

Yeah...great stuff, Nick!

Like John, I got some big Squeeze vibes from this..and I'm big fan of them. And you.

Is that your mate on the drums? They sound really tasty, in particular.

I said a little while back that I thought "Do You Know" was pretty much the perfect pop song...I suppose the flip side of achieving that is that it's probably going to be difficult for you to top that. ..though I'm sure you have many more great songs in you.

Obviously, I have no idea about what could possibly result in commercial success...if that's what your goal is?

I just sometime wonder if we're barking up the wrong tree trying to write great pop songs in the hope of success...when, on the rare occasion that I hear anything from the last 15 years or so on the radio, it's invariably a shile of pite from either some overblown weirdo with a sob-story, a mojo-less coffin-dodging multi-millionaire or some warbling boiler with her knockers out and her kn*b strapped to her undercarriage.

I hope it's enough for you just to be proud of writing some great songs on your own terms, without needing the supposed vindication of some unscrupulous Svengali to make a killing out of you.

Your stuff is every bit as good as the stuff that hits the big time.

It's a racket, I reckon.

[mattyoungmusic]

@Nick Ryder

This is fantastic.  I mean, sure, try a tambourine if you're bothered, but it's not going to change the fact that this is a well crafted, intellegent pop song that's catchy as hell.

I'm so envious of that little melodic flourish you caught ("...kids are still in bed" etc).  Elvis Costello would be envious!

Backing vox are smashing.

Seriously great track, man!

[Nick Ryder]

It’s another perfect slice of Indie Pop @Nick Ryder I got touches of “Taxman” on the intro but what the hell. There is a kind of Squeeze vibe to this number which is right up my street. Some clever stop / start stuff that fits the formula. I wouldn’t change too much tbh but a tambourine like you say always gives a chorus a bit of a lift. Excellent work as usual

Thank you, @pompeyjazz John.

So many people used to tell me that I sounded a bit like Glenn Tilbrook that back in the day, I considered entering Stars in Their Eyes True story!!

Yeah...great stuff, Nick!

Like John, I got some big Squeeze vibes from this..and I'm big fan of them. And you.

Is that your mate on the drums? They sound really tasty, in particular.

I said a little while back that I thought "Do You Know" was pretty much the perfect pop song...I suppose the flip side of achieving that is that it's probably going to be difficult for you to top that. ..though I'm sure you have many more great songs in you.

Obviously, I have no idea about what could possibly result in commercial success...if that's what your goal is?

I just sometime wonder if we're barking up the wrong tree trying to write great pop songs in the hope of success...when, on the rare occasion that I hear anything from the last 15 years or so on the radio, it's invariably a shile of pite from either some overblown weirdo with a sob-story, a mojo-less coffin-dodging multi-millionaire or some warbling boiler with her knockers out and her kn*b strapped to her undercarriage.

I hope it's enough for you just to be proud of writing some great songs on your own terms, without needing the supposed vindication of some unscrupulous Svengali to make a killing out of you.

Your stuff is every bit as good as the stuff that hits the big time.

It's a racket, I reckon.

Thank, you @PaulAds

Yes, it's my friend Steve on drums. Steve is so good that he really should be a professional, but he makes more money out of his photography business.

I think I have said before that I have no ambition to be a pop star. That ship sailed about 25 years ago. I think my main goal now is to try as best I can to have some songwriting success, and I think the only way to do that is to work hard, keep on trying to improve in the hopes that a younger, more talented and better looking singer will want to record some of my songs.

You are of course totally correct about the state of the music industry.

@Nick Ryder

This is fantastic.  I mean, sure, try a tambourine if you're bothered, but it's not going to change the fact that this is a well crafted, intellegent pop song that's catchy as hell.

I'm so envious of that little melodic flourish you caught ("...kids are still in bed" etc).  Elvis Costello would be envious!

Backing vox are smashing.

Seriously great track, man!

That's very kind of you, @mattyoungmusic

Yeah, backing vocals can make such a big difference to thew production of a song a song, so I always try to g ive them special attention and probably overdo them a bit