What now, little man?

[Rightly]

A friend of a friend is transitioning into retirement.
It's a struggle for him, and he's become quite spiteful and rude.
I pity him and think he shouldn't have to go through so much worry after working all of his life.
I've mixed feelings.
Personally, he's grumpy and bigoted.

Any feedback is very welcome 🙏
_____________________________


what now, little man?
 
It is good to see, it's good to be seen
       V1:
51 years on the chain gang, tell me
how did that work out for you?
  nobody said it would be easy,
   I'll admit I sometimes play the fool
  your sole desire was to fit in
it started at the beginnin'
when you mistook direction
for a lethal dose of deception
         Ch. 1
what now, little man, what now?
   what now, little man, and how?
              ... confusion!
         V2   
bitterness where you once had style
now you're trying hard to forget
  after a drink, y' gave them a mile
   n' just what did you expect?
they're asking for an acrobat
for one who bends and will not crack
you did not have to answer that
y' took the bait, n' can't give it back
        Br. 1
  51 years, and I am not impressed
     just short of amazing,
        'little more, maybe less
     Ch. 2
what now, little man, what now
what now, my brother, and how?
             ... ooh confusion!
       Br. 2
      n' those who would sell you the cure
    are the same who are making you sick
          End.
        you sold yourself too short
      _____________

        Rightly

[Vicki]

I like this! No extra words and yet says what it needs to say. I don't have any crits for you.

[Rightly]

I like this! No extra words and yet says what it needs to say. I don't have any crits for you.

Yes I'm quite happy with them lyrics.
The production is essentially finished.
It's a gem of a song, "ear candy", for the album.
I'll need something of more substance to balance it out.

I'll not release it yet, but give it time to process. I'm usually rushing things out.

Thanks for commenting.

[icystorm]

@Rightly -- An interesting song about the bitter transition out of government work! Your words and lines tell the story well and are apropos. Do you plan to record it? It would be cool to hear this one brought to life as a novelty song. I think the best lines were in the bridge:

51 years, and I am not impressed
just short of amazing,
'little more, maybe less

Nice work! Keep us posted if you ultimately record it! 

[Rightly]

@Rightly -- An interesting song about the bitter transition out of government work! Your words and lines tell the story well and are apropos. Do you plan to record it? It would be cool to hear this one brought to life as a novelty song. I think the best lines were in the bridge:

51 years, and I am not impressed
just short of amazing,
'little more, maybe less

Nice work! Keep us posted if you ultimately record it! 

Hi thanks for the feedback!
I'm moving toward finishing the production now.
I had a lung infection a while ago, I still don't trust my voice.
I just might have it done before February.

That Bridge 
As is often the case, those lyrics were meant to be provisional.
I soon started to like them too. 

[icystorm]

Hi thanks for the feedback!
I'm moving toward finishing the production now.
I had a lung infection a while ago, I still don't trust my voice.
I just might have it done before February.

That Bridge 
As is often the case, those lyrics were meant to be provisional.
I soon started to like them too. 

You bet! I hope your voice clears up so you can record it!

Regarding 'provisional lyrics', I know what you mean. When I write lyrics for a new song, I always record a preliminary vocal guide track with my backing track for myself to practice singing my song. I place it on a flash drive in my SUV and I practice singing it to the top of my lungs when I drive anywhere alone. There are often a few lyrics in the song that I had planned to change, but about half the time I become so accustomed to singing my original lyrics that I decide not to change it even when I may like my updated lyrics better. The rest of time, I bite the bullet and make the changes.

Anyway, I look forward to hearing your recorded song when you produce it.  

[Elvis Nash]

Chain gang might leave the listener he was really on a chain gang . The rat race war . might work

[Rightly]

Chain gang might leave the listener he was really on a chain gang . The rat race war . might work

Hmm. No. No.
Rat race
Is far too dull.

If they don't get the original phrase then they need to press on.
I write the song, they listen or not listen. 👍

[Elvis Nash]

kinda thought you say that