A Time For Time

Verses 1 & 2

There comes a time for time to take us away
Away from everything, away from everywhere
Past the dark of war, beyond the light of peace
To another time when we simply cease

Until then I'll search this Earth to find what's mine
Without a course or compass, or help of any kind
A life of scattered thoughts will mark my legacy
Heralding the day I'm finally cast out to the sea

(Chorus)

Verses 3 & 4

I wasn't asked to be, I didn't have a say
Born into a role in this over-running play
Wandering the stage where dignity is lost
In a cast so often burned and double-crossed

Fantasizing ways to immortalize our time
Through lies and deceptions of a shameful crime
Knowing what we've done, knowing that and still
We blindly let it steal away our thoughts and will.

(Chorus and Coda)

Chorus

Here I stand beneath an ancient sky
Another lunatic wishing not to die
On the shore of an ebbing tide
With a hollow heart inside
Waiting for my fateful final ride

I have a lot of ideas for this, but I think they're mainly a result of our different approaches to writing in general. I will mention a couple of things, in case you find them helpful.

Verse 3, line 2...my idea is to say "never-ending play" rather than "over-running play".

Rhymes: You have a mix of perfect rhymes, near rhymes, and lack of rhyme. This lyric has an unstable theme, in my opinion, so I would include fewer perfect rhymes and more near rhymes. A missing rhyme (like in the first two lines) is fine for an unstable theme, but it's only done once here, so it feels like it was not intentional. [After I was done writing this, I went back and read again both the lyric and my post draft. And I have changed my mind. When sung, I believe "away" and "everywhere" would constitute a near rhyme.]

Rhythm: When I read this, I can't get into a rhythm. I did try singing it and I am able to find ways to make the lines fit into consistent patterns for the verses, so maybe the unstable rhythm is a good choice for an unstable theme.

These ideas are just my opinion, so take or leave them as suits you.

I find the lyric evocative and makes good use of metaphor with its ocean images. To me, it sounds like the lament of a deeply depressed person who is just waiting to die. Or who, maybe, is eager to die.

I hope this is helpful!

Vicki

Thanks, Vicki. Good observations. The over-running lyric juxtaposed to the too-familiar never-ending resolves itself for that reason alone, and adds a subliminal point that anything over-done is worse than anything never done, the latter implying that there's still hope. Regarding your deeply depressed, you can come away with that observation but the truth is it misses by a mile an even more serious human condition, which is deeply oppressed, which breeds depression. The latter describes and universally exemplifies the human condition over time immemorial. Regarding rhyme and the simple use of it, poetry alone with its so-limiting cadre of rules does not share the same blood type with music. It's always healthier to compromise rather than compartmentalize.