Hi folks!
I rewrote a song that was in a different language to English, trying to keep true to the story in the song. It's just the first few verses, but I was wondering if the vocabulary I used was not natural for lyrics, or if it was too wordy. Thanks!

Would you run?
If I told you my life's just begun
If I shoulder the burden of
facing your way
lean in to say
Deep inside I'm a boy who's in love

Notice how the winds have changed
Notice how the clouds are parting
How the world is rearranged
When you fill the void I'm guarding

I'm assuming I understand what the original was saying when I read this, and I think it flows pretty well, except for the third line. I think what it's trying to say is the narrator is nervous and maybe afraid to confront his feelings and has decided to take the plunge and face it and say it. With that in mind, I would suggest something like:

If I face what I'm frightened of

I don't quite like that, either, but maybe it'll give you more ideas. I looked up some synonyms and found words like
evade
elude
beat around the bush
keep clear of
shy away from
keep a distance

None of those feel quite right or would be easy to work in there, but again, they may give you some ideas.

I really love the imagery of the second section!

I hope this helps!

Vicki